“Okay…,” the man I’d had a child with agreed, a little carefully.
His tone had me glancing up at him, and honestly, I felt a little annoyed that he wasn’t immediately jumping for joy at being inducted even further into my good graces. “Never mind,” I muttered quickly. “It’s not that interesting of a story.”
Lines crossed his forehead as he frowned. “I didn’t say to kick me out of the circle two seconds after bringing me into it, did I?”
I pressed my lips together, processing that.
“You asked me if we were family, I agreed. Then you got this look in your eye and said something about a circle of trust, and I’m still over here struggling with you referring to us as family,” he explained, still frowning. “Then, you looked like I kicked you, and that wasn’t my intention when all I was doing was thinking that sounded nice.”
His frown melted effortlessly into an unsure smile. “I know how strong that word is to you. It seemed like you kicked me right in the—” He motioned toward his waist. “—when you used it.”
Oh.
And that was exactly what I said. “Oh.” My shoulders dropped so suddenly I had no idea they had even been up in the first place. “I thought you didn’t want to be part of the circle of trust.”
The lines on his forehead got even deeper as he frowned and smiled at the same time. “Yeah, nah, that’s not the case. You surprised me is all.” His eyebrows went up. “Made my day, eh.”
I held my breath for a second, keeping my cheeks from totally coming up, and it was a lot harder than I would have imagined. “I’m sorry for jumping to conclusions,” I admitted.
That got me a blink of long, thick, black lashes. “You’re sorry?”
“Yeah.” What the fuck was he frowning for? “I know how to apologize when I’m wrong.”
His face went blank way too fast. And I didn’t like the way he blinked again either.
“I do,” I insisted before smirking. “Quit being a pain in the ass.”
One of those slow, deep laughs came out of him.
Whatever. “If you’re willing to be in the first circle of trust—”
“Hold on a moment. How many of these circles are there?”
I had to think about the things he didn’t know. The things I wasn’t willing to tell him yet. There was only one big thing, but I couldn’t exactly make it that obvious. “Three,” I threw out randomly to throw him off because two didn’t seem that impressive.
That must have been an answer he could live with because he nodded, so I kept going.
He was family, I reminded myself. Whether we wanted him to be or not. And he hadn’t done anything to make me feel like he’d change his mind about being in that position.
“As a member of the first circle of trust, you’re assuring me that you won’t be calling the cops on me, right?”
To give him credit, he agreed immediately. “Not even if they paid me.”
I tried not to smile but failed. Then I went for it. “My best friend’s cousin broke into her house a few years ago, and he tore her place up, bad. I found out where he lived, and Grandpa Gus and I went and did the same thing to his shitty house,” I told him with a grimace. “It’s kind of a felony, so please don’t tell anyone.” He stared at me from across the darkened car for so long that I added without meaning to, “She’s family. Someone had to do it.”
His smile was small but bright.
“What? Do you think I’m a bad person?”
Jonah shook his head. “No. But you have me wondering how one goes about becoming your best friend. I could use that kind of loyalty in my life.” He reached over and took my hand. “You do whatever you have to do for the people you love, eh?”
You do whatever you have to do for the people you love.
And that was why he’d forgotten about me so easily, I thought, and instantly sucked in a breath and tried to straighten.
But Jonah didn’t let me.
His features went serious. “What did I say?” he barely managed to ask before he closed his eyes and shook his head. “Lenny.” He reopened them, his face even more grave. “I never forgot about you.”
It was my turn to shake my head. “No, it’s fine—”
“It’s not fine and don’t tell me it is. I never forgot about you. I swear. Not a day went by that I didn’t think about you.”
My heart kicked up into a gallop even though I didn’t want it to. I didn’t want to have this conversation. Not ever, but especially not right in that moment.
“Listen to me, Len. I liked you heaps, heaps, do you hear me?” I could feel his gaze like a laser burning holes into the side of my face as I looked out the window. “I ruined this, and I know that, and I want to make it up to you. I’m trying to, slowly. But you have to know: I left because I was a fucking arsehole. I hated myself. Honest, hate for being such a damn fool and not avoiding that tackle. I didn’t think anyone would understand, but I see now that you would have, and I’m sorry, love. I’m so damn sorry I left the way I did. If I could take anything back, it would be that. If I could make it up to you somehow, I would, but I know that I can’t, and I still want to try anyway.”
The fingers on my hand tightened, and Jonah edged over as much as he could in his seat. “I’m trying my best here, and I’ll keep on trying my best, do you understand? I want you to get to know me again. I want you to be my friend again. I want to be more than that—”
“Jonah, stop.” My voice was shaky, and I felt like my chest had been cracked open more than any time in the past.
“No.” His forehead came to rest against the side of mine, and I didn’t let myself close my eyes. I made myself keep them open and aimed out the windshield. “I came back here for you.”
I couldn’t help but roll my eyes and try to lean away… but he wouldn’t let me. His hand curled over my neck, keeping me in place. “Why are you doing this?”
“What? Why am I telling you this?”
“Yeah,” I told him, speaking around the knot that had taken up space in my throat. “You didn’t come back for me.”
His gaze didn’t move off mine for a second. “No? You think I know so many people in Houston, Texas?”
I wanted to look away, I really did, but I didn’t. I looked right into his eyes, and he did the same in return, this hurt, this… this… sense of how he’d just left me because he hadn’t cared about me enough, set up shop right in the center of my damn heart, stealing the air from my lungs, the pride from my spine. “It was seventeen months, Jonah.”
“Yeh, it was,” he replied, hotly. “Seventeen months of me being miserable and then thinking of you and how much fun we’d had before I’d fucked up my life in one moment.”
But he’d still left. For so long.
“I didn’t cheat on you, is that what this is about?”
I didn’t mean to hold my breath, but it happened. I didn’t want to do this, I knew I didn’t want to, but… “It wouldn’t have been cheating because we weren’t together.”