His eyes filled with a dangerous mix of confusion and frustration.
“I think I’m being pretty clear, Aaron. You don’t have to go through with your end of the deal. No flying to Spain, no wedding nonsense and pretending to be my boyfriend. No playing charades with me. That won’t be necessary.”
“Your boyfriend?” he asked very slowly.
Ah shit. I hadn’t used the word boyfriend the first time, had I?
“My date, whatever.”
“Have you found someone else? Is that what this is?”
I shot him a look. Was he for real right now? “No, that’s not it. Not at all.”
A muscle in his jaw jumped. “Then, I’ll come with you.”
Exhaling roughly, I fought to keep the irritation off my face. Why was he always so goddamn difficult? “You don’t have to anymore.”
“But I told you I would, Catalina. It doesn’t matter that you think that we are even or not.” His voice was so sure, the way he said it so confident that it was hard not to doubt my decision. “Saturday doesn’t change anything.”
“But it does,” I told him a little too briskly. Aaron opened his mouth, but I didn’t give him an in to talk. “And your promotion does too, Aaron. You will be my boss. My supervisor. Head of our division. We shouldn’t even be entertaining the idea of you coming to a wedding with me that takes place somewhere all the way across the ocean. The things people would say if they found out. I won’t allow myself to be questioned—” I stopped myself, realizing I had said too much. “It’s just too …”
Ridiculous? Reckless? All of the above?
I shook my head, feeling light-headed and depleted. “It’s just not necessary anymore.”
But of course, Aaron wouldn’t let anything go without a fight. “I understand you being wary now that the news is out.” He shook his head. “I didn’t think it would happen this fast. But there’s nothing I can do about that now. It doesn’t need to change anything where we are concerned.”
Aaron waited for me to speak, but instead of words rising to my lips, an avalanche of something different throttled down my throat.
Memories of a time when I had been stupid enough to get myself in a very similar position. One that hadn’t involved a made-up relationship, but one that had been real. So real that the hurt over how it had blown up in my face was something I wasn’t willing to ever relive or even get within shooting range of.
“That’s a risk I won’t take.” I heard my own voice, and I was aware that it had given away more than I would have liked. “You wouldn’t understand.”
“Then, help me out here,” he told me, something honest and open about his request. “Make me understand. Give me at least that.”
My throat worked as I thought of those words that had been on repeat on my mind. “No. That kind of treatment is one I reserve for friends.”
Something flashed across his face, and I expected him to snap back in the way he and I always did. But instead, he said, “Catalina.” And it sounded all wrong and far, far from snappy. “If I said that I didn’t mean what I said on Saturday, it wouldn’t change a single thing, so I won’t.”
“Good,” I said, my voice coming out all wrong too. Although in a different way. “Because it’s okay if you don’t want to be my friend. You don’t have to explain or retract that. I’ve lived with that knowledge for almost two
years now, and I’m fine with it.” Aaron’s gaze sharpened, but I kept going, “We are not ten-year-olds, heading into the playground for recess. We don’t need to ask each other if we want to be friends. We don’t need to be. Especially not now that you will be my boss. We shouldn’t even be all that friendly. And that’s fine. That’s also why you’re off the hook where our deal is concerned. I’ll manage on my own.” As much as it was the last thing I wanted to do. But that was what single, lying maids of honor did—they attended weddings alone. “This is not you going back on your word, Aaron. It’s me releasing you from it.”
We watched each other for a long moment, my heart thumping against my chest while I told myself that what I was seeing in his eyes wasn’t regret. Him feeling anything like that did not make any sense. Unless he regretted getting himself tangled in this whole mess. Now, that would be something I could understand.
Before I could give that any more thought, the ringtone of his phone blared through the office.
Aaron didn’t take his eyes off me as he reached for it and answered, “Blackford.” A pause. We stared at each other, his profile notably hardening. “Yes, all right. I’ll have a look myself. Two minutes.”
I watched him place the phone back on the desk, and then he straightened to his full length.
He searched my face in a way that made my neck and ears flush. As if the skin of my cheeks, nose, and chin hid the answers he was looking for.
“There is something you are not telling me,” he finally said. And he wasn’t wrong. There was much I wasn’t telling him. And it’d stay that way. “But I’m patient.”
Something flopped against my rib cage. I didn’t understand what he meant or why my chest felt tight all of a sudden.
“It’s something important, and I need to go.” He stepped in my direction, both hands in his pockets and eyes still on me. “Get back to work, Catalina. We will continue our conversation.”