Jacob looked up from his phone. “What kind of things?”
“Just some stuff. Pretend I never said anything.”
Jacob groaned. “That sounds messy. Why do you need to be involved? If you’re not sleeping with her, why sneak around town?”
“Don’t worry about it,” I said.
“Nathan,” he said, his tone admonishing. “I hope you’re not getting into any trouble.”
It wasn’t just because he was my older brother that his tone was admonishing. My entire family used the exact same voice with me. It was the same one my parents used when I got into trouble at university—frustration laced with disappointment. The taste it left in my mouth still turned my stomach to this day.
“I’m fine,” I said, not wanting to talk anymore.
“I worry about you. Maybe you need a break. Why don’t you take some time out and figure out what you want to do with the rest of your life.”
“Oh right. And because I’m not a medic, I can’t possibly want to work in the field I’m in now, in the company I’ve built.”
Jacob looked at me. “You need a break. I might not know what exactly is going on but it sounds like you’re on the edge of something. I just hope it’s not a cliff. The constant threat of being sacked, and now this Audrey thing—”
“It’s nothing I can’t handle,” I snapped.
Jacob’s phone went off and immediately, he stood. “I’ve got to go.”
This was how most of our lunches ended.
“Sorry, mate,” he said. “I’ll call you tonight. I’m worried about you.”
“No need,” I said as he glanced back down to his phone.
“I’ll call you,” he said again, and sped past me.
Of course he had to go—he was in the business of saving lives. Whatever I did, however hard I worked or successful I became, I would never live up to what Jacob or any of my family did. Theirs wasn’t a living. It was a calling. And I couldn’t compete with that.
I pulled Jacob’s empty soup bowl and his spoon onto my tray and took the remnants of both our meals to the metal trolley.
Jacob was right about one thing. My life was complicated enough at the moment. I needed to keep things simple and focus on my goal. Madison was a distraction I didn’t need that could potentially put everything I’d worked for at risk. I’d been flirting with her, and it felt like the chemistry between us had been ramping up, higher and higher each time we saw each other.
But I was done. It had to stop.
Sixteen
Madison
Flat land and large skies as far as the eye could see, Norfolk was living up to its reputation. I hadn’t expected to be so blown away by the beauty of the countryside here. I’d grown up in London. It may have been the leafy part, but it was impossible to escape the dull hum of the traffic wherever you were. Here, it was as if the traffic was encroaching on the landscape and not the other way around. There was so much green. Perhaps I was just enthusiastic over having Craig off my back for a bit. When I’d told Bernie I’d snagged an invitation to Nathan’s family home, he’d been almost as thrilled as I was. There was no mention of “sharing notes” with Craig, though I knew Craig wouldn’t give up so easily. I’d have to make this weekend work.
I glanced over to Nathan, who was driving. “It’s gorgeous,” I said, taking in the tufted plumes of green and white grasses that separated the road from the water, and the huge expanse of blue sky that stretched out in front of us. “Is that part of the broads?” I asked, referring to the narrow stream that ran parallel with the road. I’d heard about the Norfolk broads before, but I wasn’t entirely sure what bodies of water they included.
“I think technically only the lakes are the broads, but I imagine that these waterways are tributaries,” he said.
“Oh my God, there’s a windmill,” I said as we turned onto the next road. “Are we in Amsterdam?”
The corners of his mouth twitched, as if he was trying to hold back a smile. That wasn’t all he was holding back. It was as if Nathan had put up some kind of invisible wall between us over the last few days. The casual flirting had disappeared; the familiarity I hadn’t noticed before it began to ebb away was missing. It was probably for the best to keep the waters from getting muddy, but a warmth gathered in my belly at the thought that it took effort for him to stop smiling around me. “Well, eight thousand years ago, before we split away from the continent, it would have been just a short drive. Now it’s about a hundred miles and a boat ride away. But we’re still closer to Amsterdam than London.”