My mom made idle conversation about the state of her mashed potatoes and a new recipe she wanted to try for the holidays. I didn’t know how to respond. If my presence was barely tolerated during a simple dinner, I doubted I’d be welcome during the holidays. After a while, she gave up. We sat in an uncomfortable triangle of silence until I finally said good-bye.
Which of course, was when my father decided to speak up. “I’ll see you at the meeting tomorrow.”
“What meeting?”
“Administration has called a meeting with the athletic department to discuss what occurred yesterday. The detective assigned to the case may also be in attendance. I don’t know,” he said coolly.
“Detective?”
“Yes. They’re launching an investigation. If you know who did this, you should speak up and save the taxpayers some money. Was it a…lover?”
I didn’t think I’d ever heard anyone make a pleasant five-letter word sound like a vile four-letter one. I narrowed my gaze and let out a humorless huff.
“No. Thanks for asking,” I said sarcastically.
“Don’t take a tone with me, boy. Do you have any idea what you’ve done to this family?” he spat.
I studied the vein in his temple and marveled that it didn’t pop. “Yeah, I know what I’ve done. I also know what I haven’t done.”
My father glared at me with his fists clenched. “You have ruined our name! You’ve brought shame and disgrace to all of us. You didn’t have the common courtesy to deny those accusations. You didn’t stop to think of anyone but yourself.”
“I can’t listen to this. I won’t take on your guilt or shame. I’m proud of who I am,” I insisted.
“How can you be?” He shook his head angrily. “I don’t want to talk about this. There’s nothing more to say. That meeting is your opportunity to clear our name. I expect you to do it, boy.”
“I’m not a boy. I’m a man. And I have nothing to hide.” I paused on the threshold and gave my mother a nod I hoped passed for a civil good-bye before meeting my father’s gaze. “See ya tomorrow…Dad.”
Max took one look at me when I got home that night and made a giant pot of homemade hot cocoa. It was some special recipe with ancho chili that was supposed to enhance the chocolate flavor. I loved it. His mom used to make extra when I came over. And when we first moved in together, Max made it whenever he knew I’d had a crap day. He handed me a large mug, set a blanket over my legs, and passed me one of the X-Box game controllers. Unlike the oppressive silence at my parents’ house, this was nice. I could breathe here.
“I’m sorry, Chrissy. I’m sorry about Sky and—”
“Sky didn’t do it.”
“No, I didn’t think so. Not his style. But that’s not what I meant.” He bit his lips and set his controller aside, then shifted to face me on the sofa. “I’m sorry I let him in. I’m sorry it ended what we had. We were good together and—”
“No. We were kids, Max. We were never going to make it in the long run. We both know it. If it wasn’t Sky, it would have been someone or something else.”
“Maybe.” He waited a beat and asked, “Do you want me to go with you tomorrow? For moral support?”
“Thanks, but no.”
“What about Rory? He’d be there in a heartbeat.”
I shook my head slowly. “Yeah, but…I need to do this alone. And when you come out, it’ll be the same for you.”
“I’m gonna order a little less drama when I make my rainbow announcement,” he joked.
“Hey, do it when you’re ready, and do it on your terms.”
Max frowned. “This wasn’t on your terms. This was fucked!”
“Yeah, I know. And I’ve been sitting here feeling sorry for myself thinking how unfair this shit is, but I think I’m doing this wrong. I need to play offense.”
“Huh?”
“Nothing. Just thinking out loud.” I picked up my controller and gestured for him to do the same. “Let’s do this. I’m ready to kick some ass.”
Perez left me multiple messages over the weekend pledging his support. He reiterated it when we talked briefly Monday morning, but I knew his personal support didn’t necessarily translate to retaining my spot on the team next year. There were many more factors at play, and unfortunately neither Flannigan or Perez had a final say in the matter. Chilton was a private university. I knew the second I walked into that stuffy conference room with a handful of men in suits that my fate might have been decided before I even opened my mouth.
And forty minutes later, I was sure of it.
“Given the nature of this case…the vandalism to school property and the police investigating the matter as a possible hate crime, the board feels it would be prudent to advise the athletic department to withdraw consideration for Mr. Rafferty to continue as a fifth-year quarterback in the hopes that this will allow law enforcement to punish the responsible party and bring justice to the Rafferty family. It would also—”