I stepped around him and hurried to my car. I shoved my bag into the trunk, climbed behind the wheel, and took a deep breath. I did it. I didn’t feel bad. I didn’t feel good either. I still had a weight on my shoulders and a hollow feeling in my chest. There was only one cure, though. And honestly, it was the only thing I cared about now.

* * *

The Art in Cinema class met in the building next to Granding Theater, across from the math lab twice a week from six to nine p.m. The professor began every class with a short film. Phoenix told me it was crucial to be on time because there were always a few questions on the weekly quiz directly related to the film. I knew his schedule so well that I could tell anyone who asked me where he’d park and what path he’d take. And I knew he liked to be in his seat by five fifty-five…give or take a minute.

I was prepared. Sort of.

I paced in front of the short set of stairs leading to the building and checked my watch. Then I did another lap and checked again. Five fifty-seven. Geez. Where was he? Did I get the day wrong? I didn’t think so. Maybe he was sick. Maybe he knew I’d be here, and he didn’t want to talk to me. Maybe—

“Max?”

I whirled around and I swear, my breath hitched at the sight of him. It had only been two days, but it felt like twenty years. I missed him. I missed my friend. My heart pounded hard against my chest and reverberated in my ears. I swallowed hard and prayed I’d get this right.

“Hi. Um…you look good. I like your shirt.”

Phoenix glanced at his light-blue button-down shirt and gave me a funny look. “Thanks. What are you doing here?”

“Well…” I adjusted my baseball cap and stepped toward him. “I have something to tell you and it is important.”

He crossed his arms and eyed me warily before replying in a shaky voice. “Max, please don’t make this harder than it already is. I can’t—”

“I came out.”

That stopped him. “Oh. Are you all right?”

“Yeah. I’m fine. I told my parents first and then my team. I think it’s gonna be a process, but it’ll be okay.”

“That’s good.”

“It is. But that’s not what I wanted to tell you.”

“What is it?”

I swallowed hard and then bit my bottom lip when my eyes got watery. And when I couldn’t stand the silence a second longer, I sucked in a deep breath and stepped up to the proverbial plate.

“I love you,” I blurted.

“Max…”

“I do. I’ve known it for a long time. I was just too scared to say it.” I inched closer and touched his chin. “I’m not afraid anymore.”

“That’s good. But Max, I’m…me. I’m not going to change. I’m never going to know much about sports. And I’m not sure I’m okay coming in second place to baseball or—”

“No. Don’t you get it? You’re number one, baby. Just you. Nothing and no one comes before you for me. Not even baseball. Nothing matters without you.” I bit the inside of my cheek before continuing. “You should know that I think about you all the damn time. You should know how much I admire you. You should know I love you. And I always will.”

He swiped his hand over his eyes and smiled. “Always?”

“Always. You’re it for me. You’re my everything.” I pulled him against me and rained kisses over his face. “I have a new proposal for you.”

“What kind of proposal?”

“Not marriage. I mean…yes, someday. But in the meantime, I want new rules. We can start with three basic ones.…I’m yours, you’re mine, and it’s not a secret. I want everyone to know how lucky I am. Deal?”

“Deal.” Phoenix crashed his mouth over mine and wound his arms around my neck. “I love you, Max.”

We held on to each other in the middle of campus on an ordinary Monday where anyone passing by could see. I hoped they did. If they talked about us at all, I hoped they noted the day and time too. Because this was the moment I became free. No reason to hide and nothing to fear. I’d taken my chances. I came out in the field and I was ready to begin again.

Epilogue

“Love is the most important thing in the world, but baseball is pretty good, too.” —Yogi Berra

Bouquets were strewn across the back seat of my car. It smelled like a garden or sweet perfume in the late June heat. Or a big win. Opening night for Chicago was a huge success. The sold-out performance generated a lot of preshow buzz that thankfully didn’t disappoint. The audience went wild for Billy, Roxie, Velma, and the ensemble cast. They received a prolonged standing ovation and yes…a fuckton of roses.

Tags: Lane Hayes Out in College Romance
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