I cheered and high-fived Kendra, then watched Logan’s signature victory lap. He raised his stick in his right hand and pumped it in the air while the crowd chanted his name. He stopped suddenly in the middle of the rink and caught my eye again. This time when he smiled, I knew it was all for me.

Fuck, I loved him. I loved his exuberance and his joie de vivre. I just hoped I could be strong enough to let him go, if that was what he needed.

After Long Beach’s win, the president of the alumni association thanked the participating athletes for helping raise money for a local homeless shelter. She kept her presentation short before turning the mic over to give the graduating seniors a chance to address their friends, families, and loyal fans. There were a handful of seniors, and since most of them gave abbreviated speeches of the “Thanks for your support. Peace out!” variety, this portion wouldn’t take long.

Kendra and I stayed on our feet, clapping for each player. They’d traded their helmets for team caps that made it easier to see their faces. I couldn’t see anyone but Logan. His smile lit his handsome face to perfection. He looked confident, calm, and at ease. Above all, he looked happy, like someone who knew what he wanted and where he was going. My heart clenched at the thought of not being part of his journey. I bit my bottom lip and warned myself to pull it together.

“What did Kelly say to you?” Kendra asked in between wolf whistles.

“Um…something about Logan working for her dad.” I silently commended myself on my neutral tone. Way to act like your heart isn’t cracking at the seams.

“That’s ridiculous,” Kendra huffed. “Maybe she’s hoping that if she tells enough people, her wish will come true. Oh! Here’s Logan!”

Kendra was one of those people who always seemed to have an inside scoop, and I wanted to ask what she meant, but that would have to wait. Logan had the mic and the full attention of everyone in the arena. And my guy was kind of a ham. His eyes sparked mischievously as he raised his hands in the air, then cupped his ears in a “I can’t hear you” pose that had the audience cheering and chanting his name.

“Logan, Logan, Logan…”

He brought his hands down and waited for the applause to fade before he spoke.

“Thank you. It feels funny to be saying good-bye. I’ve loved my time at Long Beach. I’ll miss my friends and maybe even a few of my professors.” He paused when the crowd twittered with laughter. “But I’ll really miss hockey. I’ve played this sport since I was a kid. I’ve loved every minute of it. I’ve learned more from this sport than I can ever say.

“Hockey taught me to embrace the journey. To work hard, to give it my all, and to be grateful for a chance to prove myself. It taught me to be enthusiastic, respectful, and resilient. These are skills I know I can use in my life, regardless of where I go or what I do next. I want to thank Coach Beltram, my teammates, my parents, my friends.” Logan tipped his cap and smiled. “And I want to thank my boyfriend, Ned. I might not know what’s coming next, but you’re my compass. I’ll let you lead the way. Thanks again.”

He handed the mic to Colby, waving at the crowd before casting a radiant grin my way. I felt the warmth of his smile deep in my soul. I basked in that sunshine with a sense of wonder. Logan St. James just told a thousand people I was important to him. That had to mean something.

“Oh, Ned. That’s so romantic!” Kendra launched herself into my arms.

I patted her back and gently pulled away. “I have to go.”

She nodded like she knew what I was doing. Funny, because I had no clue. I’d figure it out when I got there.

I found the entrance to the player’s locker room area, then leaned against the cinder block wall and waited. And waited. I paced the wide corridor a few times and even thought about trying to get by security to get to Logan, but they didn’t allow anyone to pass without ID. My nerves kicked in when I was joined by some family members and loved ones of the team. I almost told myself I didn’t belong here, but that wasn’t true. I loved Logan. And for reasons I couldn’t really explain, I felt like it was important to meet him halfway.

My heart pounded when the doors opened, and the players began to file out. A few of them recognized me and paused to give me high fives and fist bumps. Monroe actually picked me up, squeezing me till I gasped for air.

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