But something stopped me.
“No, thanks.”
“No?” Gray repeated incredulously. “Just like that? Don’t you want to think about it?”
“What’s the point? I don’t know how to write a love song. I don’t want to learn how to fake it for a buck. I want to write music I can be proud of, not homogenized crap some Hollywood prick I don’t know will use against me to further my ex-girlfriend’s career. I’m not being spiteful here. I sincerely wish Xena the best. But I didn’t fuck her over. It was the other way around. I don’t see how this works in my favor.”
“It’s good money.”
“Well, that house on the hill and your sweet ride are nice, but I’d rather have my integrity,” I blurted unthinking.
Gray glared at me for a long moment. “Don’t be a fool, Justin. And don’t for one second think you know anything about me. I’ve worked my ass off for years. I’ve paid my dues and done my time and no one…I repeat, no one offered me any cushy gigs to make my life a little easier.”
“I don’t want your fucking charity.”
“It’s not charity. It’s work. Hard work.” He glanced away, then fixed me with an intense stare. “I told Seb you’d say no. I’ve known you for a handful of hours, and somehow I knew your pride would get in the way. I’m not saying I blame you. I told him about you the morning after…you know.”
“We fucked,” I supplied belligerently. “I thought we agreed—no names and no blabbing.”
Gray huffed irritably. “He knows me, and he figured it out on his own. I told him I wouldn’t ask you, so he enlisted Charlie. I was as shocked as you were. And I was pissed. Then I said all the wrong things because I was also very distracted.”
“By what?”
“You! Jesus, I don’t do that kind of thing. Ever. I don’t talk to strangers. I don’t memorize the cadence of their voice and write down everything I can to keep it fresh and alive. You mentioned that Joni Mitchell song, and I swear I listened to it on repeat for days. And it might sound crazy, but I would have given anything to do it over again with a new set of rules.”
I gulped. “What kind of rules?”
“No anonymity. I would have demanded to know everything about you before I took you home with me. And I wouldn’t have let you go.”
“Because you fell madly in love with me?” I asked sarcastically.
“No.” He smirked. “Because I’m madly infatuated with your insanely hot body. Better?”
“Much.”
Gray flattened his hand over my notebook and gave me an intense look. “You’re talented and you’re smart. If you thought about it, you’d realize there’s a way to write a song so beautiful, it turns the table on everyone…your ex or anyone else who thought they had you figured out. Use the element of surprise in your favor. Create something that surpasses anything you thought you were capable of. That’s how you win.”
“So you want to do this?”
Gray shrugged. “I’d be willing to give it a try. What about you?”
I took a deep breath and slowly released it. “Honestly, I don’t know. This is a weird curveball. I want to concentrate on getting Zero up and running. We need to get in the studio more often and—”
“You can use mine,” he intercepted.
“In exchange for what?”
“You can help organize the records. Think about it. You don’t have to decide today. But this doesn’t have to be a huge time commitment. We can start with a couple of sessions and see if our styles are compatible. If it’s not going to work, we’ll know immediately. No harm, no foul.”
“When would you want to start?”
“Right away.”
I regarded him curiously. His sudden enthusiasm clashed with his puzzled expression. It made me think he hadn’t planned on asking me to consider the offer. It was the same look he’d given me when he invited me to go for a drink.
“What if we had a trial period? Something to be sure we could work together before I sign anything,” I suggested.
“That’s fine,” he said.
“Okay. I can start Thursday.”
“Great. One more thing.”
“A catch! I knew it.”
“Can we keep us separate?” he asked, sounding a little unsure.
I furrowed my brow. “You don’t want me to tell anyone about you? Won’t they already know?”
“No. I meant…the song is work, we’re personal. I think they’ll entwine on their own, and that’s good. But the contracts, the musicians, sound engineers, producers, family and friends…I don’t want to share you with them. It would be nice to have a space that just belongs to us.”
I narrowed my gaze thoughtfully, then inclined my head. “Are you asking me to be your boyfriend? ’Cause I’m gonna want bigger roses for that.”
Gray chuckled. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
I brushed my thumb over the soft petals and listened to every other word of his speech about schedules and syncing calendars. I figured he’d remind me if I missed anything important. And at that moment, when the urge to jump up and pace the coffee shop was so strong my knees twitched, the sound of his voice soothed me and kept me grounded. I didn’t feel the need to remind him I wasn’t committing to anything. He knew. And I couldn’t pass up a day in the studio with a songwriting legend. “Thinking about it” would be a waste of energy. I’d consider it research and report back to my bandmates if I agreed to the song. I wasn’t sure how, but maybe we could spin this for Zero’s benefit. I liked that idea far better than being an opening act for Xena again. I trusted Gray. He wasn’t interested in cashing in on my past. In fact, he might even help me get around it.