“Whoa! Back up five steps.” Dad pointed a parental finger at my chest and gave me a sharp look. “Why were you at a clinic? What blood work, and what’s up with Ky?”
Fuck. I put my hand over my mouth before I could remind myself to act natural.
“What about Ky?” I bluffed, slowly lowering my hand.
“That’s the fifth time you mentioned him. Is something going on between you?” He scratched his head in confusion. “I thought you said he was straight.”
“Did I? I don’t remember.” I picked up my bag and made a production of zipping an inside pocket. “I should go and—”
“Did you guys…?” He made a circular motion with his hand, like that would fill in any necessary gaps.
“Oh, you know me. I’m always doing things, but—”
“You fucked him, didn’t you?”
I gasped. “Oh, my gosh. We cannot talk about sex!”
“Why not? You’re twenty-five.”
“You’re my father,” I enunciated deliberately. “And why did you ask if he’s straight?”
“I didn’t ask. You told me he was straight months ago. But if you were, um…intimate…”
I cradled my forehead in both hands as I fell into the chair. “Will it ever end?”
“Hey, lots of guys say they’re straight. I should know. I said it for years. But screwing around with a closeted coworker can be bad news if—you said clinic. Didn’t you use a condom? C’mon, Char, that’s a basic rule of the road!”
“We weren’t test-driving Chevys. We forgot the first time, but remembered the next two times. And we’ve been tested and we’ve agreed to be monogamous and…” I covered my face and bit my bottom lip. “And I cannot believe I just told you all that. This conversation has to stop.”
“Don’t be embarrassed. You can talk to me about anything, Char.”
“Really? Did you have this conversation with your dad?” I swallowed around the gross and held up my hand. “Don’t tell me. I can’t know these things.”
“Sure, you can.” He tugged at his suit pant leg before perching on the corner of his desk again. “And the answer is no. My parents didn’t know anything about me. Nothing. But I never wanted to be that kind of parent.”
“You aren’t. You overshare. And obviously I do too.” I grimaced.
“No, you don’t. You tell Gray stuff. This is the first time you’ve asked for my advice, and it’s the first time you’ve told me about a guy you’re interested in.”
The urge to go full drama on him was strong, but the note of vulnerability in his voice stopped me.
“I tell you stuff,” I insisted.
“No, you don’t. It’s all right. You’re used to going to Gray. I respect that. But you can tell me anything too, you know. I’m not gonna bite your head off.” He made a pained face before continuing, “But no condom? Jesus, Char.”
“I know. I’m not suggesting this is an excuse, but we’d both been tested recently. My trip this morning was a formality. I couldn’t access my account online, and I wanted to show him the results, so he knows I’m fine too.”
“So you guys are…together?”
I sighed heavily. “It’s new. No one really knows.”
“I’m the first?”
“Yeah.”
His grin was slow-moving, but radiant. “Cool. Well, if you want my advice…”
“No.”
“Professional advice. Not gross dad advice,” he amended with a half laugh before continuing. “Start a label, take on the rival rocker, and create something you can be proud of. And if you need help, ask for it. Seeking information isn’t a sign of a weakness in business. It means you’re serious.”
I nodded. “Thank you. I’ll think about it.”
Dad shook his head as he rounded his desk. “Good. One more thing…and this is maybe the most important piece of advice I will ever give you. Are you listening?”
“Yes.”
“Trust yourself. In your work, in your personal life. It’s something I wish I’d learned to do earlier on in my life.” His melancholy smile morphed into an intense expression. “You’re one of the most naturally gifted people I know. You can do anything, Charlie. Sky’s the limit. Remember that.”
We shared a rare father-son moment where we silently acknowledged things we couldn’t say easily. I never questioned that he loved me, but we were alike in ways that made meaningful conversations difficult. I’d inherited his chaotic energy and the compulsion to create more stress for myself than necessary. Gray was our neutralizer. We relied on him to explain each other’s quirks when looking in a mirror either seemed like work or was just too painful. So yeah…this was nice. And when one of the people you admired most in the world told you they believed in you, anything seemed possible.
8
Ky
The first time I stepped onstage with an instrument was in a junior high talent show. I played an acoustic version of Bon Jovi’s “Wanted Dead or Alive” on a battered hand-me-down guitar. I was high as a kite that day, so the details were fuzzy, but I think I’d lost a bet and signing up for the dork show was part of the deal. I’d mastered a few basic chords to impress my dad and I practiced nonstop. If I wasn’t on my skateboard, I had a guitar in my hand. There was no way I was going to bomb in front of the whole damn school. Of course, my dad didn’t come, but one of my friends’ parents recorded it and put it on YouTube for me when they found out I’d joined Zero.