Starting from Scratch (Starting from 2)

“I am,” I joked.

“Maybe you are.” Before I could weigh the possibility that he might be serious, he continued. “We screwed around a bit, hung out, and acted like we didn’t give a shit if anyone noticed a couple of skater punks who occasionally stuck their tongues down each other’s throats in the school cafeteria. Someone took a picture and put it on the internet. It was a while ago, so it was probably Myspace. Didn’t matter to me or Ryan. My mom didn’t care, my sister thought it was cute, but my dad…the same guy who went MIA for months at a time, popped up out of the blue and went fucking bananas. He screamed bloody murder at me about being a fuckin’ queer and my mom being a useless bitch until someone called the cops.”

“Did he hurt you?”

“No, he didn’t touch me. And I didn’t punch him, even though I wanted to. But I laughed and I think that was worse. He went to my high school the next day and posted blown up posters of the kiss in the quad. No shit. They caught it on camera. Crazy motherfucker,” he huffed. “I guess he thought that if he embarrassed me, I’d stop being queer. Funny that it didn’t work. I wasn’t even that into Ryan, but we went out for at least a month after that as a warped ‘fuck-you.’ I almost didn’t want to go out with girls for a while because it felt so good knowing my bi-ness got under his skin. The more he threw at me, the more passive-aggressive I got. Call me what you want, say what you want, but don’t expect me to engage. I’m not telling anyone I’m gay, straight, bi, in a band, in a relationship.…It’s no one’s business what I do or why I do it. Especially not his. So, if he’s decided to become a critic and rip what I love apart, that’s his problem. Not mine. I’m good in here”—Ky tapped his head and smiled—“and I don’t need his approval.”

I bit the inside of my cheek and made myself count to ten before I unleashed my scathing and possibly insulting opinion. When the initial red haze of anger faded to a dark pink, I gave it a shot.

“Of course you don’t need his approval. You need to tell him where to shove it,” I growled. “He sounds perfectly hideous. What did the school do about the posters? Did they charge him with vandalism?”

“No, they took them down, asked him not to do it again, then gave Ryan and me detention for being late to class that morning,” he snorted.

“Where is this school? Who’s in charge? Who should I contact? I’m taking this to the district. How dare they—”

Ky crashed his mouth over mine to shut me up. He softened the connection before pulling back with a smile. “Thanks for sticking up for me, baby. It was a long time ago. I was okay then and I’m okay now. Ignore him.”

“I can’t do that. It’s my job to launch Zero. If I sense a danger to the band, I need to investigate it. Maybe it’s not him, but if it is—”

“Then let it go.”

I balled my fists and growled menacingly. “I can’t promise you that.”

“I’m serious, Charlie. I don’t want you to talk to him. This isn’t about the band. It’s personal. It’s my story and I’m not letting him in. I know that’s not the way you like to deal with things, but when it comes to him, it’s better for me to leave some distance.” He unfurled my fists and flattened his palm over mine. “And by the way, you’re a fuckin’ grizzly when you get pissed. I’m glad you’re on my side.”

“I don’t like cruelty and I hate that life is so unfair,” I replied lamely.

Ky caressed my chin before sliding his fingers through my hair. “Me too. But sometimes life can surprise you too. I’m grateful for the good stuff, Char. Like you.”

I leaned my head on his hand and kissed his palm. And when my eyes welled and a tear escaped, Ky brushed it with his thumb and pulled me into his arms. I think that was when I knew I loved him. He wasn’t a poet and grandiose romantic gestures weren’t his thing. But he excelled at the stuff that mattered. He offered me a place to rest my head, he dried my tears when I was sad, held me close when I was overwhelmed. He calmed me and reminded me to stop every once in a while and just listen. I wanted to give him something in return.

A real fresh start. A new beginning with no ghosts and no regrets.

* * *

Here’s the thing—I had to confront Ky’s dad. It wasn’t in my nature to let the mystery be. It wasn’t just a matter of righteous indignation. If he was writing poor reviews under an alias to get back at his son for some warped reason, he was guilty of slander. The way I saw it, it was my responsibility as Zero’s manager to investigate. And as Ky’s boyfriend, I wanted to know what the hell he was thinking, trying to sabotage his son.