Dec met my gaze with an intense look I had a feeling I was supposed to read. I smiled ’cause the world might be fucked up and upside down, but he and I were okay this time around. This scandal…if it even was a scandal, wasn’t going to touch us. He returned the gesture, then let out an ear-splitting whistle.
The room went quiet.
“Hey, I don’t know if it makes a difference or not, but…we weren’t faking,” he said, moving to my side.
“Huh?”
“We really are…together,” Dec clarified.
More silence.
“Un-fucking-believable. You fell for it,” Justin said softly.
“Justin…” I warned.
“No. I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to know anything about it. I just hope we aren’t back to square one.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You fuckin’ figure it out,” he hissed.
I balled my hand into a fist. Everything in me was primed and ready to launch for attack.
But he walked away.
I stared after Justin for a moment then looked over at Dec. Everyone was talking at once. My head was pounding. I wasn’t sure which fire to put out first. When Charlie pulled Dec aside, I headed after Justin.
“Wait up!”
I caught up to him just as he stepped outside. He rounded the corner and paused with a defeated look on his face. I hadn’t expected that. I was poised for a fight. Not a consolation party.
“I’m going home, T. I can’t do this now and stay…calm.”
“Jus, he’s not the enemy. He never was.”
“Bullshit.”
“Think about it. Dec was our scapegoat. We got caught screwing around, we felt guilty about it, and we blamed everyone but ourselves. It was Xena’s fault for walking away from the band. It was Declan’s fault for joining her new band. You and me…we’ve had our heart-to-heart. We got past the weirdness and figured out how to be friends afterward. But we left him out. We said we didn’t trust him. Hell, we made a fucking religion out of it. But what were we really protecting?”
“Our band. Our chance. Our fucking dream, Tegan!”
“We’re not gonna lose the dream. Dec isn’t going to take anything from Zero. I’ve held on to this grudge for a long time. I have to let it go.”
“Are you in love with him? No, don’t answer that.” He shook his head and paced to a nearby planter. “Listen, maybe you’re right. Maybe I hang on to shit too long. Maybe I need to let go, but don’t…”
“Don’t what?”
“Don’t fall for him.”
I frowned. “Christ, Justin…”
“Hey, I’m not an idiot. Part of me knew this might be happening behind the scenes. It’s your life. I get it. But I care about you. No…I love you, man. You’re a second brother to me. And I don’t want you to get hurt.”
“Thanks, but I’ll be fine,” I huffed, trying to smile.
Justin inhaled deeply. “I hope so. The thing is…Dec’s about to launch into the stratosphere. He’s not a little talented. He’s not a little special. He’s the real deal. And he’s not gonna stick around, T. Not because he doesn’t want to, but because his muse will call and he’ll go.”
“Jus…”
“And maybe I always knew that about him. Maybe I was jealous all along. Maybe it was me fucking everything up. I don’t know anymore. I just…don’t want to do the ugly stuff all over again. It was so fucking hard. “
“I know. I was there.”
“Yeah. And I know. I trust you. The rest…I have to let go.”
He rubbed the back of his neck and studied the pavement for a moment. Then he squeezed my shoulder awkwardly and turned away.
I took a deep breath and tried to get my breathing under control.
Buzz
I reached into my pocket, grateful for a diversion. Any diversion. I glanced at the number on my screen and swiped my hand over my jaw. “Hey, Mags, what’s up?”
“T, it’s Mom. Come home.”
I leaned against the building and went utterly and completely numb.
“What’s wrong?” I whispered.
“I can’t hear you. Are you there?” Maggie asked. “Tegan?”
Someone pulled my cell from my hand. I heard bits of a one-sided conversation.
“What hospital? Okay, got it. We’re leaving now,” Dec said in a calm tone. He disconnected the call and set his hand on my shoulder. “Breathe, baby.”
But I couldn’t.
Dec drove like a madman through LA streets, feeding me bits of intel as he zipped around slower traffic and zoomed southbound onto the 5 freeway. Mom had a bad reaction to her recent treatment. She fell, unconscious…holy fuck. I needed a paper bag. I’d be no use to anyone if I passed out on the way to the hospital.
I sipped the water Dec gave me on the way out the door. “Thank you,” I choked.
He snuck a sideways glance at me, then set his hand over mine. “You okay?”
I laid my head on the seat rest and closed my eyes briefly. “No.”