“No, of course not,” I said quickly.
“So that’s a yes,” she said wryly.
“I’m not in love with him. That would be pathetic. But I avoid him like the plague because even riding in a truck with him, I just kept remembering everything, and it hurt like hell. Does that mean I didn’t really get over him?”
“Maybe you need to talk to him, confront him so you can put it behind you. Just say, ‘hey, let’s clear the air between us. A long time ago, I thought we were happy, and you dumped me, and to be honest, it trashed me. Can we talk about that?’”
“Well, that sounds like a fun conversation,” I said sarcastically.
“No. The important ones are never fun. Remember when I had to tell Noah I was pregnant and I couldn’t even make words come out? Because I thought he didn’t want me and that he wouldn’t want Cooper? That was like I was being strangled and it was pure dread. And it turned out fine.”
“Yeah, I don’t think it’s going to go the same for me. I don’t think he’s going to be thrilled and say he loves me. That really only worked for you,” I said ruefully.
“Maybe the fact that you kind of wish he would, maybe that’s another reason to clear the air. Ask him to tell you what was going on in his head then and maybe let him apologize if he wants to. But don’t forgive him for his sake. Do it for yours. So you can have closure and move on and be happy.”
“I’ll think about it,” I said with a sigh.
I didn’t want to think about it. I wanted to cram all the rest of the chips and salsa in my face and then go hide where no one would ever ask me to process my messy emotions again. The library. I wanted to go to my happy place and read books, maybe not even unlock the door. Although I didn’t think the board would keep paying me if I didn’t open the library once in a while.
All the way home, I wondered if talking to him would help. Nearly two decades of avoiding him hadn’t made him a distant memory, so maybe confronting my fears or my misery or whatever might help.
8
Drew
It was good to have Greg in town for our dad’s birthday. My parents were thrilled to spend time with him, but I managed to steal him for an hour to grab a beer. It was so nice just kicking back with my brother.
“The garage is doing great. You should be really proud of yourself, man,” he said to me. “It never did this kind of business when Dad ran the place.”
“I’ve been really lucky. I found a mechanic that works on the new luxury cars, so we draw in a lot of business from Overton and other surrounding towns where there are higher priced clientele. It’s been good for business, taking him on. And I know a couple of the doctors at the Overton hospital have gotten the new Teslas, so I’m considering getting certified to do electric cars too.”
“That’s a good idea, get ahead of the market.”
“That’s the plan, brother,” I said. “I wanted to tell you, last week Michelle had car trouble, and after it was fixed, our card reader was down so I followed her to her house to get a check for the repairs.”
“Did you sleep with her?”
“What? No!” I said. “Do you think I live in a porno? I’m the grease monkey that fixed her car and picked up a check. It wasn’t an invitation for anything else. But it felt—weird. Being there again.”
“Did she freak out because you spat on the house and cursed the old man?” he laughed.
“I didn’t actually do that,” I protested. “You’re a lot of help here,” I shook my head.
“Did you explain things to her yet? Tell her why you broke up with her all those years ago? I know it still bugs you. You still bring it up. I think you need to tell her.”
I shook my head.
“You gotta tell her what really happened, man. It’s the only way you’re ever going to move past this,” Greg said.
“She isn’t ever going to forgive me. Especially not if I tell her what happened. Because I was manipulating her. That’s how she’ll see it. I took the decision out of her hands to set her free and to spare my own feelings.”
“Did you spare your feelings though? Because you puked, remember?”
“Yeah, I love when you mention that.”
“It’s obvious you’ve never moved on. No offense, but you need to get closure or whatever. That means you have to face her. Whether you like it or not.”
“Obviously I don’t like it. But I’ll consider it. Now tell me more about the city life in Chicago. Do you hang out at the Stock Exchange and eat deep dish pizza every night?”