“I have my car,” I said.
“Can I call you?”
“If I’m ready to talk, I’ll let you know,” I said.
I drove home, hands gripped tight at ten and two on the steering wheel. I felt like I couldn’t even blink after that kiss. When I got home, I texted Trixie and Nicole to see if they had five minutes for a call. In a short time, they both texted back that they could do a call. I got on Skype and they joined me.
“What in the hell happened to you? Did you get slapped by a killer clown? See a UFO up close?” Trixie said when she saw my face on the screen.
“I kissed Drew. Drew kissed me,” I managed to choke out.
Trixie hooted and cheered. Nicole said, “So when did this happen?”
“Just now. We met for a drink. He wanted to tell me why he dumped me in high school.”
“This I gotta hear,” Trixie said. “What was it? A terminal diagnosis that turned out to be wrong? Got someone else pregnant on vacation? Your dad gave him a million bucks?”
“No on all counts. He just decided to dump me because I was going to college and he figured I’d meet somebody better. Supposedly he thought he was setting me free so I could go away for college and marry a senator or some shit like that. I don’t even know. I do know I haven’t been that angry before. I could’ve just picked up a chair and broken it right over his head and shouted. So I walked out.”
“Oooh, is that when he kissed you?” Nicole asked.
“He followed me,” I said. “And asked me to stop and he apologized and then he didn’t know why I was so pissed off. Like he dumped me and took away my choice in the matter of whether we did a long distance relationship or broke up or whatever. What he did literally changed how I saw everything and everyone—like I wondered for years if every guy I dated was just going to get bored and leave me like he did. And then Drew is swearing it was the most real thing in his whole life and then he kissed me.”
“Out on the sidewalk?” Nicole asked. “At least he doesn’t work for you. That got me in some deep shit.”
“We know,” Trixie said. “Now give me details.”
“He kissed me the way he always kissed me. I got caught up until a car door slammed and broke me out of it. Then I basically shouted goodbye, ran to my car, and called you guys.”
“Bit of advice, dear,” Nicole said. “When a gorgeous, sexy man kisses you like that, do not leave to call us.”
“She needed time to think. And we’re helping her process it,” Trixie said.
“I think she should’ve given it a chance, see where things go. Talk later. So is he going to call you?”
“Excuse me, did you catch the part about how he dumped me and took away my agency in the decision?” I demanded.
“It was definitely a shitty thing to do, but he was also a teenager,” Trixie said. “And he loved the shit out of you. I know it.”
“Yeah, he did still love you. It probably hurt him to do it. He was not right, and I’m not defending him. I’m just saying, it’s in the past, it was a bad decision that hurt you both. Maybe you can put it behind you.”
“I’m not sure how I feel about it. I mean it changes a lot.”
“Sweetie, you’ve never really moved on from Drew, not even after all this time. You should give it some thought,” Trixie said very kindly.
“I know,” I said. “Thanks for taking time to talk it out with me. I’m going to try and get a good night’s sleep. Bye.”
After we hung up, I took a long bath. I couldn’t think, couldn’t even enjoy the raspberry bath bomb I treated myself to or the glass of white wine that sat untouched on the counter. I kept running it through my mind again and again. You deserved better. Someone better. I lied. I missed you. I thought the world of you. I always have.
I was about a thousand percent confused and upset. Drew had asked me to meet him for a drink, which was a prescription for nervousness and excitement and dread. Then I went there, it was awkward, we did a little chitchat. He dropped the devastatingly casual thing about how his mom never got over us breaking up. I almost blurted out right then that I never got over it either, thank you very much! But I had stayed because of how it felt when he put his hand out to ask me to stay. Like all I wanted to do was to go around the table and slip in beside him and have him tuck me under his arm like he used to do. I yearned for him to do that.