I could have bitten through steel, I was so angry. Punched a window just to hear it break and not care if it made me bleed. I already felt like I was bleeding from his words, from his kiss. I felt undone by all of it. Like if I were in an old black and white movie, I would take to my bed in a silky robe and put my hand to my forehead in despair and refuse to get up.
When I shut my eyes and told myself to go to sleep, I replayed the kiss in my mind. A lot of times. I tried to make myself quit. I tried to say the alphabet backwards, which apparently is not a thing I know how to do. I tried counting sheep. But I finally drifted off, only to wake with my hand between my legs, rubbing.
I felt the tingling of my skin and the tightness of my nipples against my silky pajama top. I didn’t even bother trying to stop. I needed the release, even if I knew it would be a pale imitation of what I really wanted. So I let myself go, and I gave myself rare permission to think about being with Drew way back when.
We had driven up to the Falls on a night with a narrow crescent moon. I had snuck out my window and down the trellis and met him a block away. When he parked out by the Falls, there was no one else there. It was past two in the morning. All the hot and heavy teenagers who made out there were long gone. Only the two of us here, and when I turned to reach for him, he gave me a mischievous grin and jerked his thumb toward the back of the truck. I had thought we’d stay in the cab, but he had other plans.
When I followed him to the back of his pickup, he lowered the tailgate and then climbed up there, undid some noisy Velcro straps, and then there was a huge whooshing sound as an air mattress inflated. I laughed out loud. He did too, threw his head back and laughed, exposing the long line of his tanned throat in the moonlight. I wanted to bite it—and I laughed again because I thought he could make a vampire of anyone with a neck like that.
“You put an air bed in your truck?” I said incredulously.
“I want you to be comfortable. I want to take my time.”
“Classy,” I had giggled.
“Hey, I know how to treat a lady,” he had laughed right along with me.
We had started kissing while we laughed, and we knelt on the air mattress, kissing and touching. A soft breeze cooled my hot skin when he peeled my sundress off.
“Oh my God,” he had breathed. “You’re not wearing panties. Are you trying to kill me?”
“Yes. The murder weapon was no-panties—next week on Law & Order,” I giggled. He kissed my neck and then bent me back over his arm, kissing my nipples, licking at them and sucking them until I jerked and whimpered in his grip.
Drew lowered me onto the cushioned air mattress that smelled of plastic. The stars spread out above us in the dark like a blanket. He ran his bare hands down my belly and between my legs, my knees falling open for him. He spread me with his thumbs and licked me there, a long pass with his hot tongue that made my hips lift off the mattress and my abs cramp with the fierce pleasure. I clawed at his hair.
“You can’t—" I gasped.
“Watch me,” he said, and I felt him grin, felt the curve of his lips as he kissed me between my legs. I knew my thighs were trembling, trying to clamp shut on his face even as my hips started to grind against him.
Drew lapped at my slick folds, then up to my clit where he kissed and licked and then tapped with flicks of his tongue until I shuddered and begged and came in a great convulsion where it felt like my whole body turned inside out. I was shaking hard when I came down from that, and he kissed all the way back up my body, making me giggle with some sensitive ticklishness. He kissed my nipples and my neck, my jaw, tipped my head back and kissed my chin before taking my mouth with his. I could taste myself on his tongue, but I wasn’t embarrassed. I loved it. I wrapped myself around him, legs and arms.
“That’s it,” I teased. “I’m never letting you go.”
“If that’s all it took, I would have eaten you out a long time ago. Made you promise to stay mine forever that way. Now you know my evil plan. I’ll keep learning ways to make you come and that’s how I’ll get you to stay with me.”