“Why not?”
Now he seemed tense. “I’ve already set everything up. I’m not going to rearrange our whole sleeping situation just so we can share a hot water bottle. I’m sure I’ll be warm enough without it.” There was a pause as his attention came to me. “Can you turn around for a minute? I’m trying to undress.”
I frowned at him. “Why are you being so testy all of a sudden?”
His shoulders stiffened. “No reason.”
“Are you freaked out about what I said?” I asked, a flicker of self-consciousness rising.
He huffed a breath. “Yes, I’m freaked out, but not at all in a negative way.”
“Oh.”
His eyes met mine, and they softened. “Sharing a sleeping bag with you would be a lesson in torture,” he said, and understanding dawned. He didn’t trust himself to behave with me. Didn’t he realise how much I wanted to misbehave with him?
“I suppose we should stick to individual sleeping bags then,” I said as I held myself up on my elbows.
Neil frowned, then nodded in agreement before shimmying into his own sleeping bag. Once settled, he glanced at me, looking like he was about to say something but then thought better of it. Without a word, he flicked off the torch, and the tent was encased in darkness.
I closed my eyes and tried to fall asleep, but it was no use. There was a tension between us now, and I had no idea how to break it.
All I knew was that I was never going to be able to sleep with him right next to me, close enough that all I had to do was reach out to touch him.
17.
Neil
I couldn’t sleep. My thoughts were a tangled mess of sexual frustration. It was my own bloody fault, too, since I’d come dangerously close to kissing Afric today. What was I thinking holding her down like that? She probably thought I’d lost my marbles. But now, well, now we’d both admitted to being attracted to one another. It felt like neither of us knew the next step. Normally, I might’ve kissed her, but obviously, that wasn’t the right move with Afric. It pained me, though, because I wanted to kiss her so badly; it was a physical ache in my chest.
I heard her emit a heavy sigh before she whispered, “Neil.”
“What?” I whispered back.
“I can’t sleep. Do you mind if I turn the torch back on for a while?”
“No,” I replied eagerly. “Turn it on. I can’t sleep either.”
She reached across me, and the flowery scent of her shampoo filled my senses. She clicked the torch on, and a low light lit the tent. I glanced up as Afric hovered over me, shadows striating her elfin face. She was moving back to the spot she’d been lying in when I caught her upper arm. She didn’t speak, just stared at me expectantly. I had no clue what to say. I just needed her close. We stayed like that for several long seconds, our gazes locked, before Afric broke the quiet.
“W-why are you giving me Mr Thornton eyes?” she asked, her words staccato.
Because I’m falling in love with you, a startling voice in my head answered.
It was a sobering thought, one that had my blood pumping to claim her. I didn’t say it, though. It was clearly way too soon for declarations of love, even though I’d never felt this way about a woman before. Finally, I replied, “I bet I could make you like kissing.”
Her eyebrows shot up, and her breathing became uneven. “How?”
“I have excellent attention to detail.”
Her eyes lowered to my mouth, and a hazy look crossed her features. Was she … turned on by the idea? She certainly didn’t appear disgusted by it. I could almost believe that she wanted me to kiss her. Like the idea intrigued her.
“I’m not …” she said, then faltered, frowning to herself.
“You’re not what?”
“I’m not very good at kissing,” she blurted. “I’ve spent my entire life avoiding it. There’s a good chance I’m terrible.”
I gripped her arm more firmly, tugging her closer. We were still in our individual sleeping bags, the thick material separating us, though she was currently half on top of me. “Let me be the judge of that,” I said thickly.
“Okay,” she replied, and everything inside of me came alive, like a hundred light bulbs flicking on at once. I was Oxford Street on Christmas Eve, merrily aglow.
“Seriously?”
She shrugged. “It can’t hurt to try. Maybe I’ve been missing out and I don’t even know it.”
I swallowed as she closed her eyes, waiting for me to make the first move. My pulse pounded. Now that the pressure was on to perform, I was hesitating. She opened her eyes, a puzzled look on her face.
“What’s wrong?”
I shook myself. “Nothing, just … give me a minute.” I unzipped the top of my sleeping bag then shifted positions, moving us so that I was braced above her. I unzipped the top of hers, and she watched in silence, a vaguely amused look on her face.