“Yes,” I replied, not bothering to lie. This was Michaela. I could tell her anything, and she wouldn’t judge. Sarita was a little different. I could tell her anything, but she would judge. I didn’t mind, though. It was good to have a balance of friendship types.
“Well,” Michaela said. “What is it?”
I swallowed down the lump of masticated sandwich before lifting my eyes to hers. “I’m in love with him.”
Michaela stared at me, her brown eyes round as saucers. “Seriously?”
I nodded sombrely.
“What … I mean … how did that happen?”
“Slowly and insidiously, like a thief who takes their time slipping their hand inside your chest cavity to rip out a vital organ.”
“Okay, now you’re just being melodramatic.”
“All I’m saying is, he made me fall in love with him by being all cute and awkward and kind and endearing and sexy, and now I’ve fucked everything up. Typical Afric behaviour.”
“Stop referring to yourself in the third person. And whatever you’ve done, I’m sure it can be rectified.”
“It can’t. He hates me. Or, well, he doesn’t want to talk to me at least. I broke his trust.”
“How did you break his trust?”
“I revealed a secret of his to someone I shouldn’t have.” I wasn’t going to tell Michaela all the details because that would just be further disrespecting Neil’s trust. It had never been my secret to tell in the first place.
“Do you think he loves you back?”
“I think he lusts me back. I’m not too certain about love. No man has ever loved me before.”
“You can’t know that. Just because your past boyfriends might not have said it doesn’t mean—”
“I know you’re trying to be kind, but they didn’t love me, Michaela. And even if they did, they obviously fell out of love with me at some point because they all broke up with me in the end. I came to terms with the fact that though I can be charming for a while, at some point, the spell breaks, and men get sick of me. I might be temporarily loveable, but I’m not long-term, forever loveable.”
“Yes, you are. I know this for a fact because I love you. I’ve loved you for the entire ten years that I’ve known you.”
“Oh, crap. It’s happening. She’s finally coming out of the closet. Sarita’s gonna be pissed that she’s not the only lesbian in our friendship group anymore.”
Michaela reached out to swipe me on the shoulder. “Don’t be an arsehole. You know what I mean.” She paused to eye me a moment, then asked, “Does it feel different with Neil compared to your past boyfriends?”
Yes. A million times, yes. Neil was the only man I’d ever actually wanted to kiss. He was the only man who could make my entire body feel like it was burning just by looking at me. He was the only man who made my heart feel all twisted up inside, like the ball of tangled wool my sister Helen stored in the top drawer of our shared cabinets after abandoning her attempt to learn how to crochet.
I nodded, and Michaela made a noise of commiseration as she came and wrapped her arms around my shoulders.
“It’ll work itself out. Neil will come around. He’s a forgiving type.”
I hoped she was right. She hugged me for a few moments before drawing away and going to pour us both some tea.
“So, what is this good news you wanted to tell me?”
“Oh, it’s not a big deal,” she said, looking rather sheepish now.
“Hey, just tell me. I’m in full depression mode. I need some good news to lift my spirits.”
“Well,” she said, glancing at the table as she lifted her hand. My eyes were drawn to a sparkling diamond ring on her finger.
“Oh, my God! You and James got engaged?”
Her lips began to pull into a smile. She was obviously overjoyed but felt bad telling me of her romantic success while I was wading through the ditch of heartbreak. “He took me to dinner last night and popped the question. I wanted to tell you and Sarita together, but she’s at work today, and I was impatient. I’ll tell her later tonight when she gets off.”
“That’s amazing news, Michaela!” I exclaimed. I didn’t even have to fake being thrilled for her. She was one of my best friends, and her happiness was my happiness. She and James made a wonderful couple.
“Thank you. We’re having a small engagement party next weekend. You’re invited, of course. It’ll be an intimate affair, just family and close friends.”
My stomach tensed. “Will Neil be there?”
She chewed her lip. “Well, yes, he’s my friend, and he and James have known each other for years.”
“Oh.”
“If you think it’ll be too awkward, I completely understand if you want to give it a miss.”
“No way. I’m not missing your engagement party. I’m sure if Neil’s still mad at me by then, he’ll just ignore me. He’s already demonstrated that he’s adept at the silent treatment. And you don’t need to worry about me making a scene. I’ll be on my best behaviour.”