Up in Smoke (Hotshots 4)

“Yes, I did. You’re part of this thing. I was rattled when she first showed back up, but then I realized that I couldn’t try to keep us on the down low. Not if I want it to work out, like I just promised you it would.”

“You’re...” Shane’s voice went even fainter. “Not sure I deserve you.”

“Think that’s my line. I never thought I’d be the sort of guy someone wrote a song about.” Leaning down, Brandt managed an awkward kiss on Shane’s lips.

“Oh, I could do a whole album on you.” Eyes crinkling, Shane laughed before sobering again. “That would surely freak Shelby out even more.”

“Well, it wasn’t merely me telling her about us. I told her I want custody. And I also told her that I think she needs help. And between all those things, I guess I’m not her favorite person right now. She took off in that rattletrap of a car.”

“Thank God she left the baby.” The naked relief in Shane’s voice mirrored Brandt’s own, but she hadn’t proposed anything like that, simply saying that she needed to think when Brandt asked again about going to his lawyer. She’d wandered out as abruptly as she’d shown up in the first place.

“Yeah. Even though I’m worried about her too, I was almost sick with relief,” Brandt had to admit. He’d sat holding Jewel for a long time until his hands stopped shaking. “I told Cameron what happened, and she’s filed an emergency order to give me formal full custody so if Shelby comes back, she can’t simply take Jewel on a whim.”

“Think Shelby’s going to go for signing something?” Shane sounded as uneasy as Brandt felt about the idea of involving the courts, but he couldn’t leave Jewel’s future to chance.

“Not sure. Process server found her at a motel in Bend. At least she knows there’s a hearing day after tomorrow. No clue whether she’ll show though. Or whether she’ll fight it.”

“Tell me what you need.” After rolling so they were face to face, Shane cupped Brandt’s chin.

“You.”

Shane frowned, but didn’t release Brandt. “Don’t be cute.”

“I’m not. I need you.” They were the three hardest words Brandt had ever uttered. Needing someone, being in a position to be hurt, utterly sucked, and yet, the alternative of a life without Shane in it was equally unbearable. “That’s what I came to tell you. And to ask you to come with me to the hearing.”

“Ah.” Shane let go of him and glanced over at Jewel. “Because you need me to testify that you’re a good dad?”

“No, because I need you. I mean, the other might help. But I need you.” His voice shook, but Brandt pressed on. “Because I want you there, by my side. Because I can’t do this on my own.”

“You’ve got me.” Shane pulled him close, let Brandt bury his face in Shane’s shoulder. “I’ll be there.”

“Thanks.” His words were muffled by Shane’s body, but he waited several breaths before moving his face.

“If this doesn’t go your way...” Shane trailed off, but his frown said he was still under the impression that Brandt’s need had to do with the baby.

“If this doesn’t go my way, I’m gonna need you even more,” Brandt said firmly, meeting Shane’s eyes. “Because I want you in my life regardless of who has custody.”

“Thanks.” Shane leaned in for a soft kiss. “Even if I’m in LA without you? I don’t have to be there for another two weeks or so because they have more regional competitions first. But you seem hell-bent on me going.”

“I am.” Brandt took a deep breath that he didn’t really need. Lying here like this, a lot of his earlier doubts and indecision faded. He knew what to do. “And don’t assume that you’re going to be all alone there.”

“Oh? I don’t want to date—”

Brandt growled. “You’re not dating anyone except me. I meant don’t assume that we’re staying here when you go.”

“You can’t give up your job.” Shane sat upright, keeping his voice down even as the bed shook from the jolt of his movement.

“If you go, I’m out someone I trust to watch—”

Shane held up his hands. “Which is exactly why I want to stay.”

“I’ve been thinking hard about this.” More like every waking moment. His eyes burned from the lack of sleep and his calves were probably nicely toned from taking up Shane’s pacing habit as he’d tried to reason out a future for them. “If I win custody, I don’t want to miss any big baby milestones. And I also can’t take the sorts of risks that might put Jewel at risk too. That moment when the chute wouldn’t open...”

“It was scary.” Looking away, Shane twisted the comforter in his hand.

“I know. For me too. I’ve got tons of leave accrued and some savings. I can afford to take some time. Figure out my next move. I already took a few days to come here and to deal with the court stuff. The house is almost ready for the market. And Jewel’s not going to be tiny forever.”