“Hey.” A sleepy-looking Wes showed up on his screen, shirtless and leaning back against the pillows on his bed.
“Fuck. Did I wake you up?”
“Hardly. Still sleeping for shit, and now my time zones are all messed up. I was just watching a documentary about polar bears.”
“Is it wrong that that sounds better than navigating the bachelor party BS? I don’t know why I suddenly find my friends so exhausting, but I do.”
“I’ve been there.” Wes stretched, muscles in his shoulders rippling. “Back at Little Creek, when all my buddies went from single to married and starting to have kids and stuff. It’s hard being the odd guy out. And they all want to match-make too. Like it’s not enough that they found someone. They want you to be equally coupled up.”
“Yeah. Exactly.” Dustin exhaled for what felt like the first time all evening. He carried the phone to his bedroom, kicking off his shoes as he went. God, the urge to invite Wes over was so strong. “And to make matters worse, a friend of Dylan’s hit on me. I never know how to handle that,” he admitted.
“A guy friend?” Wes’s head tilted to the side. “Is this where I’m supposed to tell you to go for it, get yourself some more experience?”
“No, God, no.” Dustin laughed as he stretched out on the bed, wishing more than anything that Wes was right here beside him. The last thing he needed was Wes pushing him toward some other guy, not when he wanted Wes so damn badly.
“Good.” Wes’s smile was more than a little sad. “Not sure I could do that.”
“I don’t want you to.” Dustin’s fist tightened. “Any more than I want to bring a date to the wedding. God.”
“Can I ask something?” Wes shifted around, making Dustin wish he could be Wes’s pillow, could hold him close as they talked. “What would happen if you brought a guy?”
“I can’t...” Dustin’s throat squeezed around his deepest desire.
“Relax. I’m not angling for an invite.” Wes yawned. “I just mean...your brother is gay, right? And your whole family is coming to the wedding? Would it really be that huge a deal if people knew you were bisexual?”
“Yeah, it would.” Dustin’s throat squished shut. “Years ago, after that time I figured out that guys did it for me, I was thinking how to tell my parents. Felt like someone should know, you know? Like this secret that was eating at me.”
“I’ve been there.” Wes’s voice was warm, no judgment. “What happened?”
“Later, I’m still figuring out the right words and my then-fifteen year old brother comes out, bold as can be. No fear from him. And the whole family rallies around him...” Dustin sighed.
“There’s room for you to both be LGBTQ, you know that, right?”
“I know that, intellectually. But after Dylan came out, my dad pulls me aside, says he’s so glad one of us will still give him grandkids, carry on the name. And I just couldn’t get the words out after that. It felt like I’d be letting him down. Feels like everyone expects something different from me than what I am.”
“I don’t. You can be yourself with me. And I think your friends and family could adjust. Adapt their vision of you.”
Warmth spread up Dustin’s chest. He’d never felt fake with Wes, never felt like he had to be anything other than his truest self. And Wes’s quiet, unwavering support was more than a little addictive. He needed more space like the one Wes provided in his life. “I’ve come close to telling Apollo a number of times over the years, but it’s like the longer I wait, the more awkward it will be. The few times I’ve tested the waters, said that a guy was cute or something, he just laughs like I made some big joke. And I don’t want him mad that I never told him back when he was going through hell with don’t-ask-don’t-tell.”
“If he’s really your best friend, he’ll get that your journey is your own, and that you needed your own timetable. And your family would deal. They love you, every bit as much as your brother, I bet.”
“Yeah, but I’m the oldest.” He didn’t know why that mattered, but it did. More expectations weighing him down, somehow.
“Oh, I know that feeling. Being the oldest sucks.” Wes’s tone was full of understanding. “You feel like you have to hold it together for the whole family. But, man, you can’t do that if it’s eating you up, living a lie.”
Living a lie. Was that what he was doing? “You’re not out,” he accused, frustration making his voice harsh.
“Actually, I told Curly that his girl can lay off the matchmaking. Think he put two and two together. And I’m cool with that.” Wes’s tone was defensive, and he thumped his head back against the pillows. “I’ve never felt the need to give a big speech to my whole team—I hate attention being focused on me. But I’ve never made an effort to hide who I am. And if I was in a relationship, I would be open about that. It’s more that, being single, it’s not that big of an issue, and at Little Creek, with that particular team dynamic, I just...let it ride.” Wes scrubbed at his hair. “And okay, yeah, maybe I should just tell everyone and be done with it—take my own advice. But I totally hate the all-eyes-on-me thing.”