Milo: “Awesome! Mom, can I get an owl?”
Me: “No, sweetheart. It’s against the law to keep wild animals as pets, and they wouldn’t be happy indoors. But maybe we can go and see one at a bird sanctuary or something.”
Milo: “Cool!”
Toren: “Part of me being your dad means there is a whole bunch of family you haven’t met. I have cousins, a brother, and a sister, which means you have uncles and an aunt. You also have two grandmas and a great-grandma. And they would all love to meet you.”
Milo: “Really? Yeah! When do I get to see them?”
Me: “I…I guess as soon as possible. It’s a big change, so we wanted to make sure you were okay with this.”
Milo: “So you always knew he was my dad?”
Me: “Yes, I always knew.”
Milo: “But he didn’t know?”
Me: “No, he didn’t know.”
Toren: “But I know now, and that’s all that matters. If you’re okay with meeting a whole bunch of new family members who are going to love you like you wouldn’t believe, then I can get everyone together and set it up.”
Milo: “Are they nice? Will they try and pinch my cheeks? My other great grandma’s friends do that, and it hurts.”
Toren: “I don’t think they’ll pinch your cheeks, but my granny is unpredictable. She’s kind of the reason…no, never mind. Anyway, you’ll love her, and they all give great gifts. Come Christmas time and your birthday, you’ll really notice a difference.”
Me: “Toren! For real…”
Toren: “Sorry. I mean, they’ll still give you gifts, but I shouldn’t say things like that.”
Milo: “I like presents. Presents are good!”
Toren: “What kid doesn’t? But the real question is, do you like cake?”
Me: “Good gravy, always with the cake…”
Milo: “Who doesn’t like cake?”
Toren: “I’ll make sure there’s cake when everyone gets together. And I’ll teach you how to sneak into the kitchen and find it. I’ll even show you the exact spot to swipe your finger, or your tongue, to test the icing.”
Milo: “Awesome! You really are Toren The Terrific. I’m glad you’re my dad. At least I got a cool dad.”
Toren: “Thanks, bud.”
Milo: “Are you…are you crying? I thought grown-ups weren’t supposed to cry.”
Toren: “That’s just a myth. Grown-ups cry when they’re happy, and right now, I’m really, really happy.”
Milo: “Okay. But uh…mom…she sometimes cries, and she never looks happy when she’s doing it.”
Me: “Milo…”
Toren: “We’ll have to change that, won’t we?”
Milo: “Yup. I don’t like it when mom’s sad.”
Toren: “I don’t like it either.”
Me: “Gah…”
Milo: “So you guys aren’t going to live together. I guess you’re like Sam’s parents. He is my friend who lives close by. His parents don’t live together too.”
Toren: “I guess we’re a little bit like that. Sometimes things…we’ll talk about that later. We have a lot of things to talk about. And a lot of questions. But tonight, let’s just dig into this delicious-looking cheese pizza, which isn’t bland at all because it’s just the way you like it.”
Milo: “Yay! Yay for cool dads…And cool moms.”
Toren: “I wholeheartedly agree. Yay for incredible moms. Your mom has done a wonderful job raising you. Let’s toast your mom with this soda that she said we couldn’t order, but I did anyway because we needed something to wash the cheese pizza down with.”
Milo: “Toast? But that’s for breakfast.”
Toren: “I’ll show you…”
So that’s how we ended up here, pulling up in front of a big brick house that goes on for what seems like miles. It’s one of those houses that is all historical, magical, and angled funny, so it’s way bigger from the side and back than the front.
Toren finally parks at the sidewalk in front of the house, where I note a string of other expensive-looking cars. We’re probably the last to arrive, but Toren probably arranged it that way so we would get ambushed all at once and get it over with, and no one would walk in late and ask all their questions all over again. It was very efficient of him, but Toren always was an excellent planner. He was always so organized.
My heart feels pretty close to bursting, but I blame it on the wild driving, the too fast, too low car, and the fact that my son hasn’t stopped grinning from ear to ear for days. It’s so much harder to shut Toren out when I can’t shut him out of my life. Rose was right when she said it’s going to be harder to keep myself safe from Toren than it will be to keep Milo safe. It’s a challenge to find out where Toren fits in my life, especially since he fits so easily into Milo’s. I thought—back when I used to think about these things, which was all the time—I’d mind. That I’d feel panicked and jealous, but Toren isn’t out to steal Milo away from me. This isn’t about sides for him or outdoing me.