Her fingers tighten, biting into the fabric clutched in her hands. “Please, Brayden,” she whispers. “Do we have to do this now?”
Is she fucking serious?
“Yeah, we’re doing it,” I grit between clenched teeth. “I deserve answers.” I need something concrete that I can wrap my brain around that will make sense, because right now...absolutely nothing does.
She breaks free of my hold before taking a step in retreat. The distance isn’t just physical, it’s emotional as well. “I wish I could give you more, but I can’t. This relationship isn’t going to work out in the long run. I’m really sorry. I can’t force feelings that aren’t there to begin with.”
It takes everything I have inside to remain upright when all I want to do is double over from the excruciating pain licking its way through my body. It’s like I’ve been kicked in the balls and can’t catch my breath. Actually, it’s much worse than that.
Force feelings?
She’s been forcing feelings the entire time?
What the fuck?
Anger crashes through me. I don’t know what’s going on here or why Sydney is acting like this, but that’s total bullshit. The emotions unfolding between us weren’t in my imagination. And it sure as shit wasn’t one-sided, either. She felt it.
It’s on the tip of my tongue to argue, but I can already tell that I won’t get anywhere with her. She’s shut down and closed off. As much as I hate to leave the conversation—not to mention our relationship—in this uncomfortable limbo, there’s no other choice for the time being.
I jerk my head into a tight nod. “All right.”
The relief that floods into her face is yet another kick in the ass.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Sydney
As soon as I pull my bag from the backseat of Brayden’s truck, he says goodbye in a clipped tone and pulls away. I can’t blame him for being angry. I totally blindsided him. The look in his eyes when I told him that I didn’t feel the same way was so much more brutal than I anticipated. As soon as I forced out the words, I wanted to fall to the floor and beg his forgiveness. To confess the real reason for the unexpected shift in my behavior.
But how could I do that?
After we made love—because that’s exactly what it had been—I’d laid awake for hours, trying to figure out what to do. How could I possibly tell him that it was my brother who killed his father in the accident? I slipped out of bed at dawn, padded into the living room, and stared out at the lake, trying to figure out a way to word my explanation so he wouldn’t end up despising me. In none of the scenarios did it end with us being friends, much less staying together and carrying on with our relationship.
How could he forgive me?
How could he not look at me differently after discovering the truth?
No.
Even if Brayden somehow attempted to make peace with the situation, he would still end up resenting me. If the scenario were reversed, wouldn’t I feel the same?
It’s much better to cut things off now and keep the truth buried where it can’t hurt either one of us. Maybe Brayden will hate me for a little while, but he’ll eventually get over it. Come on, this is Brayden Kendricks we’re talking about. I’ve never seen him lose sleep over a female, and my guess is that I won’t be the exception that breaks the rule. In a few weeks, he’ll be back to his old ways, screwing groupies and soaking up all the fan adoration. I’ll end up being nothing more than a blip on his radar.
Me, on the other hand?
It’s going to take time to get over the loss of him. I never expected Brayden to claw his way inside my heart, but that’s exactly what he’s managed to do in the short amount of time we’ve been together. I might have been with Ethan for six months, but my feelings for Brayden are infinitely deeper. It doesn’t necessarily make sense, but that doesn’t change the way I feel.
With a sinking heart, I watch his black truck disappear from the parking lot and down the road before I turn toward the building. The entire way up the elevator, uncertainty claws at me. Did I make the right decision in setting him free?
I try to imagine the hatred that would grow in his eyes if he ever discovered the truth. This morning was bad enough. I don’t think I could bear for that to happen. With a heavy heart, I shove my key in the lock before pushing open the door to our apartment. Demi’s head pops up from the back of the couch.
“Hey girl, you’re back early. Did you have a nice mini vacay?” Before I can answer, she chirps, “Tell me all about it! I’ve got about ten minutes before I have to take off for my first class.”