Before I can apologize again, Brayden swings around and slams out the door of the shop before disappearing down the street. Paralyzed, I can only stare as the sharp jaws of grief swallow me alive.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Sydney
“Hey, Syd?”
It takes effort to blink out of my thoughts and refocus my attention on Demi as we hustle across campus for our one o’clock classes. “Yeah?”
She raises her brows as if waiting for an answer. When she doesn’t get anything more than a vague look, her voice softens. “Did you hear anything I’ve said?”
I rack my brain, dredging it for the previous threads of our conversation. It comes up blank. My teeth scrape across my lower lip in embarrassment as I slowly shake my head. “Sorry. What did I miss?”
Instead of becoming frustrated with my distracted behavior, my bestie wraps her arm around my shoulders and tugs me close. “We’re planning to check out that new action movie on Saturday. Do you want to come with us? Maybe grab something to eat afterward?”
“No, I’m not really interested, but thanks for asking.”
She cocks a brow. “You don’t even know what movie it is.”
Doesn’t matter. Third wheeling it with Demi and Rowan is the last thing on my to-do list. After what happened with Brayden, I feel awkward around her boyfriend. My guess is that he shared all the ugly deets with Rowan. Only now in retrospect do I realize how poorly I handled the situation. I should have been straight with him when I figured out the connection. No matter how I thought it would impact our relationship. I owed Brayden that much. Instead, I hid the truth and pushed him away.
Once I’d dropped Lucus off at the house and returned to the apartment, Demi had immediately sensed that something was wrong. Unable to hold back the truth, I spilled the ugly story. All of it. Afterward, I’d braced myself for the worst, preparing to see the accusation in her eyes. That never occurred. Instead, she pulled me into her arms and held me close. Her unwavering support had me breaking down and sobbing like a baby. I don’t think I’ve cried that hard since the accident. It was exhausting and yet, at the same time, cathartic.
“I’m not really in the mood,” I mumble.
“Sydney—”
“I’m fine,” I say, cutting her off. I can already tell by the tone of her voice which direction this conversation is moments away from swerving in, and I can’t do it. Not now. Probably not for a while. Maybe not ever. All I want is to move on so that life can once again return to normal. Whatever the hell that looks like.
“Are you really?” she asks quietly, probing me further.
I draw in a breath before forcing it out. “I’m trying to be.” That, at the very least, is the unvarnished truth.
She squeezes me again. It’s like she’s trying to absorb some of my pain, and I love her for it. “I wish there was something I could do to help you.”
“I don’t need help.” I just need to be left alone. I need people to stop bringing up Brayden. Every time someone mentions his name, it’s like jamming a knife into a fresh wound. It stings like a motherfucker.
Demi glances at me. “It breaks my heart to see you hurting like this.”
As much as I appreciate her offer of assistance, there’s nothing that will take this pain away. I need to work through these lingering emotions on my own, and hopefully, with enough time and distance, I’ll forget all about Brayden and the way he made me feel.
What other choice is there?
I either suck it up and carry on or fall apart. The last thing I want to do is come undone. Although, I would be lying through my teeth if I didn’t admit that every day is a struggle.
“Hey,” Demi says, unexpectedly steering us toward a fork in the path, “we’ve got a little extra time. Let’s go this way. Maybe we can stop and grab a coffee before class.”
Coffee?
Now?
“Huh?” I frown, not understanding why we’re suddenly veering to the left. “We never go this way. It takes almost twice as long, and we’ll have to cut across the quad.”
It’s only when she jerks her shoulders that I notice the nervous energy wafting off her in heavy waves. When her gaze flickers to the right, mine automatically follows the movement. That’s all it takes for my feet to stutter to a halt as I catch sight of Brayden. He’s standing around, talking with a couple of teammates. If there had been an easy-going smile wreathing his face, it’s long gone. The intensity that fills his gaze as it locks on mine is enough to knock the air from my lungs. It’s as if all of the oxygen has evaporated from the atmosphere and I can no longer breathe.