He jerked one last time with a soft grunt, then his arms fell away, and his head tilted to the side. If shame had a color, he’d be painted in it from head to toe. He gulped. His hips shifted beneath mine, trying to disengage.
He couldn’t look at me.
His cock still rippled inside me.
But the longer we stayed joined, the more he withdrew until goosebumps scattered down my spine.
My heart pinched, and I couldn’t stand the feeling of him distancing himself from me, not after everything that’d just happened.
Shifting on my knees, I pushed upward.
His body slipped from mine, and I winced with frustration as I stepped away.
My own arousal still hummed in my blood, unsatisfied. A part of me wanted to be selfish and return to him. To find an equal completion.
But if I did that, then I would be as bad as the guests who’d used him. Whatever the reason he’d just pulled away, I had to accept it and not push. To push was to get hurt. I was sure of it.
Wrapping my arms around myself, I shivered with ice, becoming suddenly, horribly unsure.
Had I done the right thing? Had we reached a turning point, or had I just made things a hundred times worse?
I shivered again, fear rising as my mind raced for my own safety.
I should run before he snapped again.
I should—
Enough.
I gritted my teeth and stopped my unraveling thoughts.
This wasn’t about me.
It’d never been about me.
Even when he’d thrashed in his nightmare and pinned me to the floor. Even when he’d bound me in a chain and thrown me in a basement...none of this was about me.
Everything was about him.
God, how had I not seen it? How had I not understood the only way to earn my freedom was to give Kas his, entirely and completely—to teach him that he could leave. That no one would hurt him. No one would chase him. Whatever prison this valley had become had a door that only he could open.
He hissed under his breath, his haunted, color-shadowed eyes latching onto the trail of white as it oozed down my inner leg. He’d marked me. Come in me. Stark evidence that I’d given myself to him and he’d given himself to me.
He watched his release roll all the way to my knee before his face twisted, and once again, he came apart.
His legs shot up, his arms wrapped around his knees, his head bowed into the cage as if he couldn’t cope without a prison. “Leave,” he whispered, sounding wretched and wrung out.
I had so many things to say. Things he needed to hear. To listen to and believe.
He hadn’t forced me.
I’d done this.
I’d willingly chosen to let him climax inside me.
I’d done it so he could rest. So he could fall asleep later tonight and not be terrified of his nightmares.
“Kas...I—”
“Leave!” he thundered. His shoulders rolled, and he shook his head, never raising his eyes from his knees. “Please...”
“But...I don’t understand.”
He swallowed a snarl, shame once again dripping off him. “Look at what I did to you.”
I glanced at the wetness on my inner thigh, remembering how he’d told me that the bastards who’d brought him here had taken away his right to bear children. They’d stolen so much from him. They’d reduced him to nothing.
Yet here I was trying to teach him he was worthy, unable to understand why he couldn’t accept my one token of kindness.
“I think we should talk about this,” I whispered. “We need—”
His head snapped up, self-hatred glowing in his eyes. “I can’t be around you. I can’t look at you and not despise myself for what I did.”
“I agree that tonight started off badly, but it didn’t end that way. We really should talk—”
“There’s nothing to talk about.” His jaw clenched as he arched his chin at the trail by my knee. I hurt you. I did something unforgivable. It makes me fucking sick to know I found pleasure when all you found was pain.”
“But that’s wrong.” I stepped toward him. “I wanted you. I still—”
“Lies,” he hissed. “How could you want someone who raped you.” He shook his head, long hair tangling on his shoulders. “I need you to get away from me, Gemma. Before I do something even worse.”
“But you didn’t—”
“Leave!”
“But I—”
“Go.” He grabbed his hair and fisted handfuls of knots. “Fucking go!”
True fear spiraled again.
He looked on the verge of snapping.
Despair shot through me, slapping me with reality that this wasn’t some storybook where the heroine managed to free the monster in one try. This was reality. And the reality was, Kas was severely damaged and far out of my realm of capabilities in which to heal.
“Go...please go,” he murmured, curling into himself as if he could trap all the wickedness inside him.
Even though it felt like the hardest thing in the world.