Because I wasn’t, hard for me to actually hate someone. I mean, I’d thought it more than a few times when it came to him, but that didn’t make it true. I supposed I wanted it to be true.
I really wanted it to be.
Like I said, he made things hard, and I found I couldn’t keep his attention. I drifted my sight outside the window, easier to study the dark waves along the passing beach. Time traveled by, and soon enough, Jax got us back on campus. We cruised to the dormitory in his sleek ride, and no one was more surprised than me to show up to the place in one vehicle when I’d left in another. The fact the second car belonged to my stepbrother? Well, yeah, I wouldn’t have bet on those odds.
Jax parked right outside the doors, the soft purr of his engine running. The car was a stick shift, so even idle, it sounded ready.
“So you’re really not going to tell me who this dipshit is you went out with?” He’d asked more than once so I wasn’t surprised by another. He’d been steamed when he got me, like he really would go for Lawson if I let him. The whole thing was terribly confusing. Why he came to get me. Why he cared now… He frowned. “The fucker needs to know that shit isn’t okay.”
“You going to go hurt him now?” I asked, curious. I slipped off his jacket. “There are worse ways to hurt people, you know.”
Like completely owning their heart for an entire night only to crush it, to betray their trust in the worst possible way. He’d done that. He did that. He’d done worse than that. I handed him the jacket, and though he took it, he said nothing.
“Thanks for coming to get me,” I said, suddenly very cold now. I wasn’t completely sure it was the absence of the jacket either. There was so much space between us, something more than physical distance. I felt like I was finally letting go of him.
And he was letting me.
He took the jacket back, placing it in his lap. I started to open the door before his throat cleared.
“You okay, then?” he asked, so quiet in his purring car. I turned, and he was bunching his hair a little. He shrugged. “I mean, are you all right now? Okay?”
I didn’t know exactly what he was asking. If I was okay about tonight or okay after him. I didn’t know if I would ever be okay.
I mean, I still felt him in my skin.
Part of that was the jacket, yes, but there was just something else. Something gnawing at me. I didn’t know what it was, but whatever that itch had been caused me to sit back in the bucket sit.
“You wanna come up?” I asked, his eyes twitching wide. Believe me, no one could have been more surprised by the question. I shrugged. “I mean, to get your stuff.”
He’d left his entire life behind, everything he’d come down with. I didn’t recognize what he wore now and assumed he’d started over with new things.
He obviously wasn’t hard up considering his choice of ride.
His jacket bunched between his fingers. “I can always come back when you guys aren’t around. No big.”
Kit wouldn’t be around considering she had to work, and since he appeared to actually be on his best behavior now, I didn’t see the harm.
“You can if you want,” I said, wrestling with my hair. He made me really nervous despite myself, awkward and shy. I huffed. “Anyway, Kit’s not here so…”
Feeling kind of dumb, I started to get out, but he held up a hand. Next thing I knew, he was shifting the car back into gear. He pulled us around the building, and using his fob to gain entry to the dorm’s private parking, he parked, then unstrapped himself.
I did too, watching as he pocketed his keys. We got out together, then he followed me with a heavy cadence to the back entry.
Things had gotten kind of late so there wasn’t much activity as my stepbrother and I strode the halls. I felt him really close behind me, nearly on me. I knew because when I stopped in front of our door he physically touched my back.
My shoulders bare I felt everything, hot lava and his large presence loomed over me. Rather than confuse myself with it, I opened the door, then let us both in.
“Everything’s where you left it,” I said, watching him close the door behind us. “We haven’t messed with anything.”
Not that he’d left us anything to mess with. He’d kept all his stuff in his room, his door locked.
I mean, we’d checked.
In a rage, Kit and I both wanted someone to pay for how Jax had treated me over the weekend. His stuff was the next best thing, but he’d kept his door locked.
I was happy about that now as he circulated the place. My stepbrother seemed generous now, calm, but who knew what would happen if he’d noticed all his things violated. He eased his hands in his shorts’ pockets. “Thanks. I’ll just make a few trips then.”
Nodding, I left him to it. I noticed him watching me as I left, but I paid no attention to it. I couldn’t.