Dane stands. ‘The only thing Thoreau and I have in common is that we’re both hungry,’ he says. ‘I’m outta here.’
Rae looks at her watch. ‘Eleven. Yes, it’s time for our break. Thank you, Jenna. And you, too, Ethan.’
Dane is already out the door. Rae is drawn away by Mitch and something more important than me.
The others stand awkwardly. I can see I’ve upset the balance. Do they have to include the new girl who walks funny in their break plans? Do they have to redefine boundaries? Do they have to make room for someone who interrupted Ethan when she should have kept her big mouth shut? Why can I see that now, when it’s too late?
‘Break is for two hours,’ Allys says. ‘Time to eat, work on personal projects, conference—Rae’s big on that. You can do whatever you want.’
Gabriel gestures over his shoulder. ‘We usually go across the street and get something to eat at the market. Everyone’s kind of on their own.’
On their own. Right. I get it.
I nod. ‘Then I’ll just stay—’
‘Want to come?’ Ethan asks.
Allys
Allys removes her leg and props it against the table. ‘I’m not supposed to take them off at school, but this one still bothers me.’ She massages her stump. Gabriel and Ethan go on eating their lunches. I stare at the stump and then the artificial leg. ‘Does this bother you?’ she asks. ‘I can put it back—’
‘No. I’m just surprised. I didn’t realize. Were you injured somehow?’
‘No. I had a bacterial infection. Worse than most. Antibiotics weren’t touching it, and by the time they were able to get a Restricted Antibiotic Waiver, I had already lost one leg. This one, actually.’ She runs her fingers over her stump and grimaces. ‘I guess the first is hardest to lose.’
‘Your other leg is artificial, too?’
‘And my arms. I also had some organ damage, which is why I have to take this mountain of medicine.’ She swallows a handful of pills and downs them with water.
My eyes shift from her stump to her hands. ‘They look so—’
‘Real?’
I nod.
‘I hear that a lot. Amazing what they can do these days.’ She pulls up her sleeve, and I can see a barely perceptible line where artificial meets real skin. ‘They even customized it with my original moles and freckles.’
‘Yeah,’ Gabriel adds through a mouthful of food, ‘she has a whole constellation on her other arm.’ Ethan doesn’t say anything. He just watches me while he eats.
‘Sure, nice cosmetics, but I still have phantom pains. It’s only been six months, so I am hoping that will go away, too. The biofeedback treatments worked on the others, but not on this one for some reason.’ She stops rubbing her stump and picks up her sandwich. I watch her artificial fingers delicately bend and adjust around the bread, just like they are real. I am aware of prosthetic devices, but I think this is the first time I have seen them so close. The skin looks as real as my own. Allys glances at me, and I look away. I already have one strike against me by showing up Ethan. I don’t want another by ogling her. They’ve invited me into their circle. I want to stay here.
I sit back in my chair, trying to look relaxed. A small dining area is carved out of one corner of the market. It holds two small tables, each with four chairs. They’re crowded next to the juice aisle. Gabriel and Allys both got ready-made sandwiches from the refrigerated section. Ethan bought an apple, a bean-and-cheese burrito, and a bottle of milk. Even though he invited me to come, he seems reluctant to talk to me. I’m trying to keep my mouth shut, but since I’m not eating, it isn’t easy.
‘What about Dane?’ I ask. ‘I thought he was hungry.’
Gabriel smirks. ‘Dane doesn’t eat with us.’
‘Because we’re freaks?’ I ask.
‘Speak for yourself!’ Ethan snaps. His voice is loud and pocks the air between us.
I don’t know what to say. I didn’t mean that I thought he was a freak. I was just repeating Dane’s words, but I’m afraid to even explain that. I might appear like I’m correcting him again. I look out the window, a jammed-up feeling growing inside. Am I going to cry? Or is it something else? My eyes are dry, but I feel like something wants to burst out of me. I focus on the empty road outside. Hold back. Hold it in. Keep your mouth shut, Jenna. Keep it shut. Shut. Shut.
‘Well, Dane was certainly right about one thing,’ I say, turning from the window to look straight into Ethan’s eyes.
‘What’s that?’ he asks, daring me to answer.
‘You do have a magnetic personality.’