He knows. Somehow, he knows. Whichever side of the Network he works on, the news of the severed arm has traveled fast. He slowly loosens his grip and pushes my card away.
“What do I owe you?”
“No charge. I like a good story.”
* * *
Xavier was clear. Don’t walk in a straight shot. Double back. Watch. And make sure it’s dark. No one’s following me. I’m good at memorizing faces and crowds now. I looked over my shoulder all the way from California to make sure that what was left of Gatsbro’s goons weren’t on my trail. I spotted Xavier a mile off when he followed me to the cemetery. No one is following me tonight. It’s nearly dark when I arrive at the street Xavier told me about. The neighborhood appears to be deserted. It’s an area of run-down row homes and apartments that I think date back to my time. Most look like they’re ready to fall down with a good wind, but I’m guessing the real estate around here is free for the taking and that’s probably the right price for Non-pacts. Some of the lots contain nothing but mounds of rubble and weeds, like the earth is swallowing up the decaying neighborhood in gradual bites. I walk down the middle of the street to avoid the dark shadows on either side. This is where Xavier lives?
He said to turn right down an alley when I reached the four-story brick building. I see it ahead, like a looming black monster. This is a long way to go to share a can of beans with someone who’s lousy at conversation. I stop at the end of the alley before I walk down. It looks like a dead end ahead. I hate dead ends. I might be strong but I can’t jump four-story walls in a single bound. I walk, slowly and deliberately, tall like I own the planet, like thinking it will make it so. This has to be the blackest, most depressing place anyone could live.
Halfway down the alley I hear murmurs and music and when I reach the brick wall at the end of the alley, I turn left and find myself looking into a huge open area bordered on all sides by more tall brick buildings making it a private courtyard. Dozens of people occupy it. At least sixty. Scavenged chairs, sofas, and crates form a circle around a bonfire in the middl
e. Children run on the perimeters, laughing and playing tag. I take a few steps closer. Slabs of meat cook on an open grill in one corner, and in another three men and a woman play a violin, a guitar, a flute, and something that looks like a small harp. A little farther over, three old women laugh, trying to persuade some young children to dance with them. A younger woman stands near the fire in the middle, telling a story to a few who are sitting close by, her hands expressive, chopping the air with punctuation and passion. The sounds of all the activity bounce off the surrounding walls and blend together in a pleasant rumble.
I scan the group, looking for Xavier, and finally spot him on the far side of the fire ring. He’s sitting in a low chair, patting an infant on his shoulder, and talking to a small child standing next to him. I watch his lips, Go get your mother, and the child races to an open doorway.
I can’t move. I can hardly think. I just watch until Xavier spots me and waves me over. Heads turn. A young girl with long braids squeals and runs and grabs my hand like she knows who I am and she drags me over to Xavier.
“Locke’s here!” she says over and over until we reach him. A woman approaches and takes the baby from Xavier and he stands. In an instant, he looks different to me. Stronger? Younger? More formidable? He hides things well. Especially all of this. He hesitates for a moment like he’s trying to gauge my reaction and finally says, “Welcome.” He turns to the small group that has gathered. “Everyone, this is Locke.”
I feel a hand on my shoulder. Someone grabbing my hand to shake it. Shy faces, smiles, whispered welcomes, a cadre slipping close to take a first-hand look. They say a word, two words, then more, spilling of eagerness.
Thanks, thank you, thanks for inviting me, nice to meet you too, yes, it smells good. Hello.
I’m Em. I’m Jane. Leon. Caran. Fretta. Jacob. Erina. Lou. A dozen more names I can’t remember.
I’m led to a chair and another pair of hands push on my shoulders until I’m seated. This is the best seat, especially for someone your size. The small crowd slips away as quickly as it came upon me, and they go back to their preparations, conversations, and music.
Xavier and I sit beside each other in chairs, both of us silent.
“You have children,” I finally say.
“Two.”
“I didn’t expect this.”
“You thought I lived in that basement? And only ate stale nuts? Non-pacts have lives too.” He motions to our surroundings. “Such as it is.”
“Is Livvy here somewhere?”
“She lives in a different neighborhood a few blocks south of here.”
“And Carver?”
“Same as Livvy.”
I watch him survey the courtyard, like he’s trying to see what I see. Such as it is. We mumble an occasional word to each other, usually me asking a question about one person or another, but mostly I take it all in. The squalor is impossible to ignore, but there’s still something compelling about it all. Some sort of energy that’s impossible to extinguish. It swirls in the aroma of a meal about to be served, the frenzy of last-minute preparations, the clanking of pots and platters, the calling of this child or that to fetch something, and then unexpectedly, grace. They say grace. One by one a hand is outstretched to the next, one by one, until a circle of hands that include mine is connected. I bow my head. My chest aches. It’s been so long.
Food is spread out on a long table and everyone helps themselves. It’s simple but good. Roasted vegetables, hot bread, fresh greens with sliced red onions, grilled meat, smoked fish, pickled eggs, an amalgam of foods brought from different households to share. It reminds me of the potlucks my relatives used to have, only this one is bigger. No one takes more than their share. Maybe less. I’m careful with my portions.
We eat from plates in our laps and older men tell stories with full mouths and children finish their meals first and return to their play. Each of my forkfuls is watched as it enters my mouth and when I nod in approval at the taste I see a smile on the person who provided it. I acknowledge every morsel. My mother would be proud.
When meals are done and dishes cleared, the music resumes. It’s not just the three old ladies dancing now. Couples, women with women, men with men, children, everyone dancing together. The woman who took the baby from Xavier at the beginning of the evening comes and grabs his hand now and drags him into the circle of dancers. I see a ring on her finger. His wife. He doesn’t protest. He’s a different Xavier, soft putty in her small hands.
It’s not long before a thin old woman grabs my hand. I can’t dance. Especially not this dance, but I go along. I don’t think I really have a choice. I do my best and my missteps provide laughter for everyone—plus a couple of bruised toes. A few of the girls are closer to my age, maybe fourteen, and seem embarrassed when we occasionally end up as partners. I really make an effort not to step on their toes. Occasionally everyone steps back and claps as a few of the more accomplished dancers step forward and entertain everyone with steps that amaze me. I’m surprised to find myself laughing and hooting along with everyone else.
It’s way better than sitting alone in my quiet apartment studying files, and right now nothing is required of me except to enjoy myself. It’s a feeling I haven’t had since some of my nights looking up at the stars with Jenna. That already seems so long ago. My thoughts jump to Raine, who seems to transform under a night sky and stars. I wonder if she’s on her roof now?