I crossed the cave, no, I stomped like my steps would bend the world to my will, that it would somehow stop the madness. I climbed the uneven side of the cave, finding footholds in the rock, then reached behind a stony ridge, yanking the bag of ammunition out first and then the launcher.
I turned and held it up. “Did she tell you about this too?”
Priya’s face pinched with shame. She nodded. “I heard her as we ran away. She said you had hidden a weapon in the greenhouse. I looked for it when we came back but couldn’t find it. I thought it was only more lies.”
“Even after—” My throat felt like it was swelling shut. “Even after you betrayed her, she tried to help you. And she would have told you exactly where it was, if you had given her the chance.”
“We didn’t know, Jase,” Mason said.
I looked at the launcher in my hand. This. This was all I had to try to save her—one launcher against their hundreds. I dropped it to the ground and stepped closer to the huddle staring at me.
“She laid her life on the line to save me!” I said, pounding my chest. “She laid her life on the line to save Lydia and Nash! She never showed any fear, but you know what she was afraid of? You! All of you! Do you have any idea how much courage it took for her to return here with me? She heard all those things you said to her. What you were going to do to her. I told her that you would understand. You would listen. That you would love her again. Because that’s what families do.” I felt myse
lf cracking into a thousand pieces. “I guess that makes me a liar, doesn’t it?”
Priya shook her head, her eyes glistening, and she reached out and pulled me to her, held me, and I broke down in her arms. A big hulking Kbaaki, sobbing on her shoulder. They all gathered round, holding me, holding one another, Samuel, Aram, Titus, Mason, and Priya. Everyone but Gunner.
He turned and walked out the greenhouse door.
* * *
We untangled ourselves. Wren, Synové, and Paxton stood off to the side, their eyes wide, as if afraid to be drawn into a circle of fury and tears that made no sense, not even to me. Was it possible to love and hate someone at the same time? It was habit for me, habit to turn to family, but maybe it was time to break that habit.
And then another voice: “Jase.”
We all turned toward it.
Samuel stepped forward. “Mother, you’re supposed to be lying down,” he scolded.
“It’s true,” she said, staring at me. “You’re alive.”
I stared back, not sure what to think.
She put her hand on her swollen belly. “Your father’s last gift to me.” She shook her head. “I know, it’s not a good time for another baby.”
A baby? No, it wasn’t a good time. It was a very bad time. “But you said that about all of us, didn’t you?” I answered. “We came at the worst possible time? It all worked out, though.”
She nodded. “And it will work out again.”
I went to her, and this time she was the one crying on my shoulder, my mother who never shed tears. And then she made me repeat that Lydia and Nash were safe. “Yes, they’re safe. Paxton’s straza took them to the Vendan settlement.” I told her they’d be well cared for but would have to stay there until this was all over. “It’s the safest place for them to be.” I explained that they would be hidden in the root cellar just as I was, and that it was Paxton who had taken me there after I was injured in an attack.
She looked at Paxton and then, without hesitation, she went and embraced him, murmuring her thanks. He awkwardly returned her hug, looking over her shoulder at me uncertainly.
I nodded.
He patted her back.
She turned to face me again, wiping her eyes. “Even in the hardest of times, our family grows in unexpected ways,” she said. “Now, what’s this about you being married?”
CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR
KAZI
The door creaked open. Slow. Everything was slow, as if he was savoring the moment, watching me at his mercy now. My back was to the door, and I couldn’t turn, but every deliberate step shivered through me. Heel to toe. Owning the room. And me. Then silence, bone-numbing silence as he paused. I felt his eyes on my head, my neck, my back. Would I feel a blade there next?
“Hello, soldier.”
My cheeks swelled with nausea.