“Hear me out?” she says, raising her hands. “I promise it’s not what you think.” It’s then I see her face. It’s blotchy, like she’s been crying. I immediately feel bad for her. I know what it feels like for Calder to break your heart.
She walks over and sits next to me.
“It’s nice to finally meet you. I feel like I know you already.” She gives me a half-smile, then looks at my belly. She reaches out to touch it but stops short. I just nod. Since I got pregnant I’ve noticed people like to touch your belly. Many don’t get the chance because Calder literally growls at them. It’s kind of adorable and makes me giggle every time.
“He’s so happy. I haven’t seen him like this since before his parents died. You’ve really brought him back to life. I could hear it in his voice every time we talked on the phone. I saw it on his face when he opened the door today. Thank you.”
I can see how much she cares about him. It’s all over her face. “You knew his parents? He doesn’t talk about them much.” I’ve tried to get him to a couple times, but I can see the flash of pain on his face anytime I bring it up, so I’ve stopped. I couldn’t imagine what it would be like to lose my dad.
“I pretty much lived over there with them. My parents are difficult. Calder and I pretty much grew up together. His parents knew I was,” she pauses for a second, “gay. Mine, not so much.”
“You two have never been…?” I find myself asking. Her face scrunches in disgust.
“No. He’s like my freaking brother. It’s how it’s always been. He was protecting my secret. Because we knew when my family found out, they would lose it, and he’s been helping me hide it, even going so far as pretending to be my boyfriend.”
“I’m sorry if I came between you guys.” I’m starting to think I’m the reason why she might be here crying. Something happened. I’m also guessing Calder has been making her stay away because he didn’t want to share the secret that wasn’t his to tell.
“No, it was time. I had to come clean to my family. I knew how they would react, but it still hurt. I wanted to tell Calder I finally did it. He was the first person I thought of. It’s really just been him and me for the past seven years.”
I reach out and grab her hand. “Well, now you’re about to be an aunt,” I tell her. She smiles. I know Calder doesn’t have any family besides the baby and me, but I realize she is his family, too. I’ve been wanting that from him. For him to tell me more about his past, and now I’m seeing it and I’m going to embrace it.
“He told me you were sweet.” She laughs. “In fact, he couldn’t shut up about you.”
“When?” I can’t help but ask.
“I knew something was up after New Year’s. He’d been gloomy since he lost his parents, throwing himself into work nonstop, but I could tell there was something else. Being around him was like being around a freaking bear. One night we were playing video games, and he drank a little much, and I seized the opportunity to get him to spill the beans finally.”
I scoot a little closer. “What did he say?” I ask, making her laugh.
She looks over at the door and I follow her line of sight to see Calder standing in the door. “Tell her.”
“That he would do anything to get you back. That you were his one, like his dad always told him his mom was his one.”
“You said that?”
Calder just nods.
“Said he wanted to give you time. That he’d fucked up. Shocker.” Sidney laughs at her own joke. “That he tried to reach out, but you wouldn’t respond, so he figured you needed more time. Then he kind of snapped.”
“You didn’t reach out.” I shake my head. No phone calls or anything.
“I emailed you every day,” he says, a confused look crossing his face.
“You did?”
“You didn’t get them?” He steps into the room. “You didn’t get them,” he repeats, but this time it’s a statement.
“The university got a whole new email system over Christmas break after the semester ended. Everyone got new email addresses. The old one remained active, but I never checked or used it.” All this time I’d thought wrong. That he’d only come back because he knew I was pregnant, somehow.
“I thought you came because you found out I was pregnant. That’s why you wanted to get married. Wait.” I run back through my mind. “You asked me to marry you before you actually knew, didn’t you? Oh, my God.”
Calder walks over to the bed and drops to his knees in front of me.