The knot in my stomach tightened in a way that had nothing to do with the ice cream.
“I’m sorry, man. I wish shit were different. I mean, I don’t really get the Will thing, but I get that he’s different with you.”
My face, in the Skype window, was pathetically miserable, and I made it tiny so I didn’t have to look at it.
“He is,” I said. “He really is.”
Rex appeared onscreen, sliding onto the couch and putting his hands on Daniel’s shoulders.
“I couldn’t help but overhear,” he said, nodding toward the kitchen.
“’S okay. I mean, you probably know Will better than either of us.”
Rex’s face did this very thoughtful, serious thing and he shook his head tightly.
“I don’t think so.”
The tiny me onscreen looked like he’d been given a Christmas present. God, Will really hadn’t been kidding the times he’d said I was easy to read.
“Can I ask you something?” Rex said.
“God, yes, any thoughts, opinions, questions, and insights are extremely welcome.”
“You said that Will means what he says.” I nodded. “What does that mean, exactly?”
I opened my mouth, but then forced myself to really think about it. Rex asked these questions sometimes—questions where you thought the answer was obvious but then later realized you had no idea.
“Will’s the most honest person I’ve ever met,” I said. “Like, you’re really honest, but… you’re polite and stuff so sometimes you just don’t say things. Like if they’d be rude or offensive or whatever. Will… he’s even super blunt about things when it makes people uncomfortable, you know?”
Rex was silent for long enough that I got paranoid the call had dropped, but I could see them moving.
“I know what you mean,” he said slowly. “But being blunt isn’t the same thing as being honest.” His hands tightened on Daniel’s shoulders and Daniel leaned back into him. “Just because Will is okay with offending someone or telling someone a hard truth about themselves… that doesn’t mean he doesn’t get scared. For himself, I mean. It doesn’t mean he always volunteers the truth about what he’s feeling.” He paused again, like he was trying to find the right words. “And sometimes he says things so strong to make it easier for himself.”
He shook his head and looked at Daniel.
“I don’t know how to say it, exactly.”
Daniel bit his lip. “Mmm, like, he asserts things really definitively in order to shut down conversations about topics he doesn’t want to think about?”
Rex nodded and said, “Yeah. Yeah, that,” and Daniel seemed like he was thinking about it.
“Whoa,” I said, also thinking about it.
“Leo,” Rex said gently. “Will isn’t superhuman. He’s just as scared and uncertain as any of us. He just has different ways of dealing with it. And not everyone’s so great at talking about that kind of stuff. Sometimes they show you things in other ways.”
“Wow, I feel like the biggest idiot in history,” I said. Then, when Rex looked guilty: “No, no, you’re fine. I just mean, I seriously didn’t think about the ways that Will might be… scared about stuff. About relationship stuff.”
Which was a pretty major oversight, considering everything he’d told me about his past relationships.
Rex and Daniel were quiet, Daniel’s shoulders pressed against Rex’s legs, Rex’s hands on his shoulders. I wondered what if felt like for them, looking at their image on the screen. Seeing their connectedness reflected back at them.
“I really love him, you guys.” My voice was a whisper, and I hadn’t meant to tell them that before I’d even told Will. But once I had, I went on. “I know it probably sounds like I think he’s perfect or something because of what I just said. And I don’t. I just think maybe….” I shook my head. It was too sappy to say out loud.
“Maybe you’re perfect for each other,” Daniel murmured, like he wasn’t even talking to me. Rex’s expression turned soft and private, and he touched Daniel’s hair, just for a second.
My thoughts were flying at the speed of light, but it was all stuff I should be saying to Will, not to Daniel and Rex. I saw myself nodding onscreen, just a tiny window against the large view of Daniel and Rex, caught up in each other.
“Thanks, you guys. Seriously, thanks a lot. I should go.”
Rex gave me a kind smile and Daniel gave me a goofy wave.
“Good luck,” he said, and I saw Rex reach for him just before the screen went black.
I THOUGHT a lot about what Daniel and Rex had said. I couldn’t sleep because of all the Coke, so I went back to pacing.
Rex was right. Will did sometimes use strong opinions to shut down a conversation he didn’t want to have. Had I been so distracted by Will’s bluntness about small things that I overvalued his honesty about bigger things? Scarier things?