“He was good. I was kind of nervous bringing him in here. I mean, he said he was going to be hands-off, but I was sure he was going to take one look at you and go crazy. I fucking do.” Dominic’s hand stroked faint circles on my arm. “Turned out he was way more focused on helping me than anything else. I think he liked the control.”
That made plenty of sense, for a Master to want ultimate control over the scene.
“He warned me,” Dominic said, “you couldn’t hold that position, but I was distracted. Too busy thinking about what I wanted to do to you next.”
It got quiet again. “So, I fell and he caught me. Then what happened?”
“He told me how to take off the clamps so it wouldn’t hurt and to try to get back into the scene as quick as possible. Then, to stay with you afterward.”
“But what was he like?”
Dominic’s grip on me hardened. “I know you’re avoiding it, but I told you, we have to talk about you using the safe word. That truth serum should start kicking in soon.”
I tried to pull away but it wasn’t allowed. “I told you, I don’t do love.”
“That’s total bullshit, but tell me anyway why you think that.”
My lips were starting to get numb from the vodka, and I was tired from what we’d just done. I was weak. “My family.”
I felt his heart pick up the pace. “What about them?”
“We’re not the hugging, emotional type. Growing up, my parents were strict. They didn’t show affection or do anything to make me feel like they cared about me.”
Dominic’s face contorted into disbelief. “And that’s why you don’t do love?”
“I’m just giving you the setup here, Dominic. Give me a fucking minute.” God, I could not be more uncomfortable right now. “Once I hit high school, I was all confused by affection and attention from guys. I craved it. I, like, needed it. You understand what I’m saying?”
“Yeah.” He sounded sad for me, but I didn’t want his pity.
“My sophomore year at Northwestern, I met this guy named Ian. We hooked up at a party, and then again
a week later. . . And suddenly we were dating.” It didn’t seem like Dominic was going to let me sit up, so I put my cheek against his chest. “I don’t know how or why it happened, but I fell in love.”
“Wait a minute—”
“Yeah,” I said. “I lied to you about that.” I let him digest it for a moment. “Ian was a total mindfuck. One day he’d tell me he loved me, and the next he’d blow me off. I always got over it and took him back. He said he loved me and I needed that.” Just recalling it now made the old anger burn again.
“He went home to Texas during Christmas break, and I couldn’t get ahold of him, like he fucking ceased to exist, and he comes back at the beginning of the spring semester acting like nothing happened. He just wanted to pick up right where we left off.”
My brain was getting that hazy, tipsy feeling. Thank god. The words were coming easier now.
“I told him to knock that shit off. He said he loved me, and I was the only girl for him, and he told me all the lies guys say when they want to keep getting pussy.”
Dominic’s mouth dropped open. “Payton, that’s not why—”
“I bought it all. There wasn’t a shred of doubt in my mind, so when I found the engagement ring a week before spring break, I was so happy.”
My statement hung in the air.
I would remember that moment forever, the shock and excitement as I opened that blue velvet box.
“Oh, shit.” Dominic’s voice was hushed. “The ring wasn’t for you.”
“Nope. He’d gotten his high school girlfriend pregnant over Christmas break. I had to hear about it from his roommate when Ian didn’t come back to school. He never answered any of my calls.”
A shift went through the body holding me. “Where’s this fucker now?”
“It doesn’t matter, and I don’t fucking care. That week when I thought he was going to propose and instead he vanished? It destroyed me.” The only person I thought truly loved me, abandoned me. “I don’t do love. It’s just a lie.”