Max’s eyes bored into mine, his expression darkening with every intense second that passed between us. This wasn’t a moment I’d ever looked forward to. In fact, I’d tried to convince Dad to tell Max about the will, but he’d refused. He hadn’t wanted Melissa anywhere near it until it was too late to alter the document.
“You’re fucking kidding.” He shoved his chair out and shot to his feet. Nostrils flaring, he unfurled some of his caged emotions. “This is just like you two. Always fucking plotting behind mine and Mel’s back with family stuff we should have been a part of.” He stabbed his fingers through his hair and exhaled his rage and resentment. “Fuck! What the fuck’s in this will, Matt?”
Birdie settled her hand on my leg. It was a connection, a show of support that I really fucking appreciated. She was the only person in the world who knew the intricacies and difficulties of my family relationships.
She’d been there when Max and I had fallen out for a couple of months before his wedding. She’d helped me piece our relationship back together and rebuild it over the years.
She’d taken my back when Melissa had tried to cut me out of my brother’s life when they’d had their first child. Every action Melissa took, Birdie shut down. She’d saved Max and me without him even knowing what was going on behind closed doors.
And when it came to my father and the difficult relationship he had with Max, Birdie had been right there helping Dad see all the sides to their troubles. Fuck, she’d glued us all back together more times than I could count. How we’d managed to get through the last five years without her, I had no fucking idea. But then, here we were. Broken. So essentially, we hadn’t gotten through those years very well at all.
I covered Birdie’s hand with mine as I said, “I honestly don’t know for sure. He talked about changing it a couple of months ago and I don’t know if he did or not.”
“Jesus, Matt, just tell me what was in it.”
“There’s no point if it’s changed. I’ll head over to Dad’s place and get it—”
“Fuck that. We’ll both go.” He jabbed his finger in the air at me. “Right fucking now.”
Money and belongings meant very little to me, and I detested the way death and wills brought out the worst in people. This wasn’t Max talking. Not the Max I’d grown up with, anyway. But I guessed that was the thing: people changed over the years, and it mattered who was allowed to influence that change.
“It can wait, Max.”
He shook his head, almost violently. “No.”
Something was off here. He appeared a little unnerved over this. Panicked maybe. I leant forward, concerned. “What’s going on with you? Is everything okay?” We hadn’t talked for a couple of weeks, and the last time we did chat, he’d been distracted. When I’d asked him what by, he’d brushed it off. Told me everything was good. But looking at him now and listening to the tone of his voice, I wasn’t convinced.
“The only thing going on with me is that you and Dad kept stuff from me. How the fuck would you like to be surprised like this?”
“I don’t believe you, big brother. Is it Melissa? Is everything good there?” I knew he’d hate that question, but it had to be asked.
Predictably, his face pulled into a scowl and he snapped, “Everything’s good, but FYI, being married brings responsibilities with it that would be a lot easier to take care of if I knew what was going on with things in my own family.”
Birdie knew me like she knew the back of her hand, so she didn’t need to be told that statement would piss me off. She gripped my leg harder, causing me to slow my mouth down, which was her intention. However, this time it didn’t shut me down completely. This time, I wasn’t letting shit slide.
“How about you tell me about those responsibilities, Max? Make me see exactly what you’re dealing with here. Because, quite fucking honestly, I don’t know any other married man who deals with a wife like yours.”
Fuck.
Not the way I’d wanted today to go. Not by a long shot. But after thirteen years of this, it was way past time to call bullshit and try to get my brother to open his eyes to his marriage.
The way he stared at me with both bitterness and denial told me we wouldn’t be getting far with this today. And when a knock sounded on the front door, I knew the conversation was dead for now.
“I’m going to see who that is. I suggest you step out for a bit. Give me some time to calm down. And then we’ll head over to Dad’s.”
With that, he exited the room, leaving me feeling like my chest was about to explode. There were far too many years behind us filled with these kinds of moments. The kind where we were almost at the edge of no return with feelings and hurts and grudges and needs about to be laid out on the table, only to be packed back up and shoved into the dark recesses of our souls, never to be excavated again.
I couldn’t do it again.
I refused to do it again.
This would be the trip where it all came out. Good or fucking bad, we would pass that edge of no return.
Family was everything, even when it was the hardest thing in the world. One thing I knew for absolute certainty, though, was that my family needed to clear this hurdle so we could build a new normal.
No matter how hard that was.
12