“And you call that not judging? You’re a hypocrite and this is a conversation I should have known we could never have.” He shoved his chair back and stood. “I thought for once you might be able to come down off your high horse and just let me talk. Let me share my problems without trying to tell me how to run my life. Turns out I was wrong.”
Any other day, I’d have done my damnedest to give him what he needed, but not today. Today, I was riddled with too many emotions to see straight. “So, what, you’re just going to accept whatever she does? Let her continue treating you like shit?”
The daggers he sent my way let me know it would take a lot for us to come back from this mess of a conversation. “I don’t believe in divorce, Matt. I don’t fucking subscribe to the idea that marriage is something we can just walk away from when shit isn’t going our way.”
“You know I don’t either, but fuck, I also don’t believe in being walked all over and treated the way you have been.”
He stared at me for a long moment, his eyes churning with a volatile mix of anger and resentment. “I’m fighting like fuck to keep my marriage and my life from falling apart. When you have kids, you’ll understand that a whole lot better. If you can’t support me, don’t bother even being in my life. I’m done with trying to live up to your expectations.”
My chest squeezed with pain as I watched him walk away. How the fuck had we come to this? My brother and I had been through a lot of difficult times in our life, but this was a whole new level of difficult. He’d never once spoken to me the way he just had, and he’d never told me to step out of his life if I couldn’t support his choices. How the hell could I do that, though, if I didn’t believe his wife was a woman worth fighting for?
I had no starting point for how to navigate our way out of this corner we’d backed ourselves into.
Fuck.
I stalked out of the café and walked down the mall towards the river, trying like fuck to rid my mind and body of everything I was feeling. The last time I recalled being this tightly wound was when Birdie left me years ago. This was different, though. Then, I hadn’t known exactly why I felt the way I did. She hadn’t given me a reason I could latch onto. This time, she had, and the level of anger I felt over it was unlike any I’d ever experienced. Add to that this stuff going on with Max, and I was in new fucking territory.
I was wired.
I wanted to fucking punch something. Anything.
I’d told Birdie to wait for me. That I’d return so we could continue our conversation. I couldn’t do that. Not in this state. Not with my skin crawling with this kind of energy. So instead of going back to her, I found a pub. Possibly a worse idea, but fuck, at this point, it was the best option I had, because fighting this out with Birdie while I was like this could destroy us.
21
BIRDIE
Winter had been gone all day.
I checked my watch for what felt like the thousandth time.
5:18 p.m.
I wasn’t sure whether to be concerned or not. This was unlike him. When Winter said he’d do something, he did it. I couldn’t recall a time when he hadn’t. Not even when we’d fought in the past. And we’d had some god-awful fights. But he had never gone off grid like this.
I’d tried to call him a few times and sent a text, but his phone was either switched off or dead. I figured it was switched off. I didn’t blame him. But at the same time, I was going crazy with worry and doubt.
Winter had said he wasn’t done, but then he’d look
ed at me like he never had before. Like he wanted to be anywhere but with me. And now that he’d had hours to think about everything I’d told him, I couldn’t help but wonder if he’d changed his mind.
My phone rang and I snatched it up, desperately hoping it was him while also dreading it. I feared the words from his mouth, “I’m not coming back,” but I needed to hear his voice.
“Have you heard from him yet?” Cleo.
“No. Nothing. Not a text, not a call. I’ve really screwed this up, Cleo.” My unsteady voice and anxiety annoyed even me. You caused this, Birdie. Now you have to pay the price.
“Well, yeah, you screwed shit up a long time ago, but this isn’t something we didn’t know.” I loved my best friend’s blunt honesty. Really. “But you’ve done the right thing now by telling him. You need to stay strong, babe, and have faith in your man. Winter loves you in a way I don’t see often; I think he’ll forgive you.”
“I’m not so sure.” I’d been a fool years ago when I’d thought I could solve our problems by getting pregnant. All I’d ended up doing was ruining us and causing the man I loved a whole lot of hurt, which was the last thing I ever wanted to do.
“Birdie,” Cleo started, but I didn’t hear anything after that because the door to the hotel room opened and Winter entered.
With my heart racing, I said quietly, “I have to go,” and ended the call. I dropped the phone on the bed and moved to him without realising I’d taken the steps. “What happened to your face?”
His jaw clenched. “I had a disagreement with someone.” His tone was clipped and I knew that was all the information I would get as to why his face was bruised and swollen.
Taking a step back, I offered, “I’ll call down to see if they have an ice pack.”