Shadow pulled Gray toward the bathroom which was just as cold as the rest of the apartment. He turned on the water and only then resumed kissing Gray in that tender yet hungry way that was the perfect balance of care and desire.
Gray smiled, unbuckling his pants while the water cascaded into the tub. He kicked the door shut, closing them in absolute blackness that he knew Shadow’s eyes could so easily penetrate. “Will you guide me?”
“Always. It reminds me of how it was on the Other Side. When I’m in the water.”
Shadow undressed Gray bit by bit, and he must have done the same to himself, because he led the way to the tub as soon as Gray was naked.
The cold air drove needles into Gray’s bare flesh, but the warmth radiating from the tub was already luring him closer. When he stepped in, the water felt almost too hot, but he trusted Shadow and slowly lowered himself, ending up submerged to his navel. “What was it like? Did you feel like you had your own body? Did you have friends? Lovers?”
“No. We were one. I miss that sometimes, but never when I’m with you. Connecting with another being despite a struggle is so much more fulfilling.” Shadow poured warm water over Gray’s exposed shoulders and back. The heat did wonders to the stiff flesh, and Gray moaned in relief, feeling himself relax as Shadow went on, “there was no time passing, no memories. Only one constant state. In the human world, there are so many ups and downs that I hated it at first, but they pose a challenge and give everything more flavor. Your world is so much more exciting than being content for eternity.”
Gray slowly laid down in the water. He whimpered when the hot liquid gently massaged his shoulders, flowing into the hair at the back of his neck. “Yes. Some moments make life unbearable, but I don’t think we could understand happiness without experiencing loss.”
Shadow nuzzled Gray’s cheek. “The path to Paradise begins in Hell. Laurent told me it’s what his tattoo says.”
The moment he said that, memories of Mike came back, but they no longer appeared in a storm that wrecked his peace of mind. This time, it was a gentle breeze composed only of good things. Of the belonging, and love, and all the fun they’d had. Mike was gone forever, but Gray still had memories to cherish.
Shadow exhaled over the side of Gray’s face. “And then some moments are such a surge of happiness the human body doesn’t seem able to contain them. When you invited me to come with you after a week in the cell, my heart was overflowing with gratitude. And when you let me kiss you for the first time, my veins filled with such sweetness I couldn’t even explain it. I felt accepted in ways impossible on the Other Side. Because you don’t have to be with me. You chose to.”
Shadow held Gray close while they both adjusted to the heat of the water. He covered the back of Gray’s neck with kisses so soothing that staying awake was becoming a challenge. Gray entwined his legs with Shadow’s and rested his head on his chest, quietly listening to the level beating of his man’s heart. It sounded powerful and healthy, like a muscle that could work this way for the next hundred years without fail. How was he to make that happen?
“That’s how you make me feel. Everything is beautiful when you’re around. As if I was looking at the world with a new set of eyes.”
“Aww… sweet thing,” Shadow pulled on Gray’s ear with his teeth, and somehow the darkness around them made Gray even more aware of Shadow’s presence.
No one had ever called Gray by such a term of endearment. He’d been called sexy, hot, handsome, once even ‘pretty lips’—but that guy got punched in the face. With Shadow, Gray could melt into the water, into his lover, and into his lovely words full of devotion.
Shadow must have switched off the water, because the noise was gone, and without the cascade of liquid filling the tub, the surface was perfectly calm and caressed Gray’s skin where it touched him. “Only here. Only with you. I wish we could just stay together. Forever. That maybe I could offer you my body to use, so that we could share it. Always be together,” he whispered into the dark, hanging on to the warmth of Shadow’s body.
Shadow’s hand glided up and down Gray’s chest, under and over the water, as if already traveling between the material world and the one consisting only of shadows. “When I first saw you, I knew that your body was perfect, and that I wanted to own it. Have one like that for myself, live in it, but also touch you, connect from outside in all ways possible.”