Shadow rested his pale arms against the edge of the tub. “Why is it complicated? When I’m around you, I know. Maybe I don’t know how to do things with another man, but I know I want to. I got confused when I saw that you didn’t have the slit, but I could have rubbed myself against you now that I think of it.”
Gray cleared his throat and grabbed a sponge, which he then dipped into the water so that it would soften. It gave him the precious seconds to contemplate why the blatant words affected him in the first place. Shadow was like a horny dog that needed to hump his leg and wouldn’t stop begging until it got what it wanted. “It’s complicated because sex isn’t always pleasant. It can hurt, or it can be boring. So you lie there while the guy is pushing into you, and you just feel nothing. You’d just rather do something else.”
Gray swallowed, briefly remembering the face Mike had made when Gray had told him something similar. It had been years ago, when Gray was seventeen and finally figuring out why he wasn’t enjoying the sex parties as much as everyone else around him. Mike had really tried to understand his perspective, but he couldn’t, because for him sex had always been about having fun and getting off. “Most guys don’t feel the way I do. Sometimes, they don’t even have to like the person they’re with to enjoy the sex, but it doesn’t work that way for me.”
Shadow gave a quick nod and leaned into the touch of the sponge like a cat that enjoyed being combed. “But we’re not strangers, right? We’re friends. After tonight?” It wasn’t hard to decipher where these questions were going, but Shadow was capable of more subtlety with each passing moment.
“Being friends isn’t enough for me,” Gray said, even though it was a lie. He and Pete were now friends. But it was different, since they shared much more in the past. With Pete, Gray didn’t have to worry about his lover being indiscreet or a nuisance, but Shadow didn’t need to know any of that complicated stuff.
Gray soaped up the sponge and rubbed it across the firm shoulders. Shadow literally purred, and Gray would’ve lied if he’d said it wasn’t pleasurable to see a man react to his touch so unashamedly.
“How can we become more though if you don’t let me touch you?” Shadow asked, watching Gray with a half-lidded gaze, as if it had already been established that they were meant to be more. It was both cute and creepy.
Gray sighed, following the white trail of soap left behind on pale skin as he washed all the sweat and dirt off the curves and ridges of Shadow’s muscular body. It had been too long since he’d been with anyone, and the opportunity for guiltless touch was making him slightly bolder than usual. Anyone else would have known that Gray was doing this to sneakily feel up the pecs and shoulders, but Shadow didn’t understand the world that way. Touching him was safe.
“We might not. Maybe we should just stay friends?”
Shadow licked his lips, his worries adorably transparent. “Will we touch more as friends?” he asked, and it was a more defensive question this time instead of the gentle pushes he’d been making before.
Gray’s lips went dry when he moved the sponge down the center of Shadow’s chest, over the dark hair peppered there like a banner for the presence of testosterone. “I’m touching you now, aren’t I?”
Shadow nodded and let out a deep exhale. It flattered Gray that someone was so persistent in their need to have him specifically. It wasn’t something that happened very often in a world of easily-replaceable hook-ups and men who were always on the lookout for the next new shiny thing. But Shadow wasn’t really a person, and he would be gone before Gray could really get used to his presence.
Shadow gathered some water in one hand and poured it down Gray’s forearm. “Knight said you’d like to touch me once I wash.”
Gray stilled, and when he glanced into Shadow’s eyes, he found him leaning way too close. A treacherous tightness teased his dick, but he ignored it and ran the sponge down Shadow’s back. “Knight isn’t always right.”
“No, he’s not. He’s not you.” Shadow smiled and rubbed his knuckles over Gray’s hand. He made an effort to make it seem accidental, but it lasted long enough that it could have only been deliberate.
They were both playing the same game.
Gray let it slide, too focused on the beauty of Shadow’s back. Wide and muscular, it was just the kind of sight Gray would like to one day see in his bed, once he met the right guy. But as he rubbed the smooth skin with the sponge, following the line of Shadow’s spine before branching outside, just before his hand got too low, he imagined Shadow in the sex room during an orgy. He was inexperienced and followed his instincts. Once he’d get his hands on a man he liked, he would likely enter him too fast, and then fuck him hard, chasing pleasure braced over a faceless body. His shoulder blades would remain tense, and his ass would flex in that crude way that only happened when fucking was involved.