Ned shouldn’t even have liked the man. Cole was abrupt, quick to a fight, he’d intimidated Ned with a knife, held his neck against a train track, and, worst of all—threatened to cut Ned’s balls off if he dared speak of what they’d done by the lake. He was immoral, a crook, an outlaw, and all that was rotten about humanity.
But he also wasn’t Tom. He’d taken Ned under his wing from the very start and vouched for him, had a contagious laugh, and a lot of heart under the mask of a rough outlaw. Now that Ned was a part of this gang, even if temporarily, even if under false pretenses, couldn’t he indulge the desires he’d never known he had? Cole would not tell a soul.
Across the fire, Cole emerged from his own tent, which stood tucked between two chokecherry bushes the girls had stripped of fruit before candle light. Dressed in his underwear and pants, he sat on a stool at the edge of the wooden floor and pressed his lips to the harmonica, playing a languid melody Ned hadn’t yet heard. His bare feet tapped against the planks, but when he opened his eyes, he looked straight at Ned—as if he were the only one worthy of Cole’s attention in a camp of twenty-five souls.
Ned took a deep inhale of the air scented with stew and the grassy aroma of the prairie. Blood cooked in his veins, but he didn’t want to hesitate any longer and gestured for Cole to come over. As much as his body yearned for this man, he needed answers before he made a choice that would seal his fate in one way or another.
Cole’s shoulders relaxed, and he slid his harmonica into the pocket of his pants, stopping the song mid-way. After a moment’s hesitation, he pulled on his socks and walked around the fire, half-heartedly responding to a question thrown his way. He passed Tessa and Craw, who sat huddled together, chatting over supper, and headed for Ned with a flat expression.
But no matter how disinterested Cole tried to appear, he did follow Ned’s call like a dog, and having him respond so fast made Ned’s chest tighten with excitement. The erotic attraction that sparked into a fire back in that small mining town was so new yet seamlessly slotted in with their unlikely friendship. Ned hadn’t realized just how much he wanted to be around Cole all the time until his behaviour drew them apart. Since his mother had left him with Uncle Liam, he’d been around people yet detached, never connecting to anyone. With Cole, that wall wasn’t present even though each of them had their own secrets. As if he’d always been a wolf cub brought up by pronghorns, and only now found his own kind.
“What is it? You want that button replaced?” Cole asked, closing his hands on the straps of his suspenders.
“Fuck the button,” Ned said in a hushed voice, glancing to the sides to make sure there was no one close enough to overhear them. Still, when his gaze met the black heat of Cole’s eyes, he could barely remember what he’d wanted to ask in the first place. “Are you—I mean… you didn’t seem all that bothered after you stabbed Adam Wild a dozen times.”
Perhaps it was more of an accusation than the question Ned wanted to ask, but if he was to decide whether to enter the rapid waters of the desire he could no longer deny, then he also needed to know what kind of man he was dealing with. Did Cole’s heart still beat in the same rhythm as the boy’s who’d chosen to risk his own hide and kept Ned’s presence a secret all those years ago, or if he’d changed, turning into this enticing wolf in human skin.
Cole’s lips shut, and his cheeks turned a dull shade. “Why would you say this?” he asked, glancing over the shoulder. But there was no one within earshot, and the rowdy song some of the girls broke into made enough noise to keep their conversation private.
“I need to know who you are. Are you a cold-blooded killer? Would you really push me in front of a moving train if your reputation was on the line?” Ned’s heart beat like mad because he was afraid he’d give into lust regardless of the answer. Even if the way he wanted Cole was immoral, there had to be a core of goodness in their friendship.
Cole briefly shut his eyes and hung his head, placing both hands on his hips as if he were feeling dizzy. “Reputation might be worth a stranger’s life, but not a friend’s. Adam’s death wasn’t about no silly thing like that. It was about protecting everyone who travels with us, and I had to do it, or Tom would have. Believe me when I say it was for the better,” Cole said as he met Ned’s gaze with a deep frown.