But instead of following up with a punch, Roach dropped to his knees, heaving as he desperately gathered the items, throwing them back into the box. His hand hovered over a pair of handcuffs. The sight of them made Zane’s wrists burn with rubbed off skin.
Those couldn’t be the same ones, could they? The flesh on his wrists had healed badly, leaving marks where steel had cut into his flesh, but in this moment the handcuffs were a threat, and he kicked them away, hyper aware that Roach might get to them first.
His sweaty back stuck to the wall as he took deep breaths, waiting for Roach to rise. He’d be ready.
“I hated them so much,” Roach uttered in a tiny voice that didn’t sound like him. “I don’t know what to do with this stuff. I don’t even wanna touch it.” He bowed his head to obscure his face, shoulders trembling, and an intense pain stabbed through Zane’s heart time and time again.
“What?” he whispered, staring at the man kneeling at his feet.
Roach shook his head and pointed to the handcuffs, curled up like a child. “One time, in the middle of winter, my dad beat me bloody when I refused to take his shit to the junkyard, but that wasn’t enough, so he then cuffed me to the porch railing, and told my brother not to help me under any circumstances. Not that my brother would. He was happy he wasn’t on the receiving end of Dad’s anger this time. I would have died if it wasn’t for a stray dog that came over and kept me warm. I hated them all, but I can’t believe they’re dead.”
Disbelief poked at the words Zane had just heard, but when he saw Roach hunch over farther, and the tightness in his chest got more severe, he knew those weren’t lies.
“Which one was your father?” he whispered, his throat so tight it felt like speaking was making it bleed.
“The biggest one. Always at the fucking gym so he could hit people harder.” Roach clenched his fists against the asphalt.
Zane shut his eyes and rubbed his face, struggling to keep calm when facts fell into place and made his world infinitely more complicated. He should hate Roach more now, by proxy, for what ‘Hulk’ had done, but felt sorry for him instead. “Yeah. He was the boss, wasn’t he?” he asked softly, scooting down across from Roach, who wouldn’t look at him, focused on the remaining contents of the box.
Roach nodded and sniffed, heaving so hard Zane got out of breath too. “I never hated anyone more. I was the dirt under his shoe. And I can’t even get rid of their shit ‘cause the thought of it makes me sick. Like they’re all gonna come back for me.”
Roach might have as well cut out Zane’s heart and minced it. As they kneeled, so close their foreheads could’ve met if either of them had leaned forward, agony ran in Zane’s blood, and its depth was making it difficult to breathe.
“Let’s burn them,” he whispered.
Roach didn’t produce an answer, barely able to inhale, but he bumped his head against Zane’s, so desperate for affection that Zane’s hate and need for revenge fizzled out. The flame would surely ignite again tomorrow, but all that mattered now was that Roach had suffered at the hands of the same man that put Zane through hell. Unlike the night of torture Zane had survived, Roach had spent most of his life with that man.
“I shouldn’t want to. I should be mourning.”
“Why? I’d have killed them again if I could,” Zane rasped and grabbed Roach’s shoulders, shaking him until his green eyes flashed at him with sadness so deep he felt like Roach had put him into a chokehold. “You don’t owe those bastards anything.”
“It’s just… it wasn’t always bad. There were good times. The club kept me afloat. I felt like someone had my back against the world, even if they’d be crushing me behind closed doors. No one could touch us when we were a horde. I don’t know how to let go of this stuff.” He grabbed Zane’s hand.
The motel parking lot was still barely illuminated by the rising sun, but Zane could see Roach more clearly than ever before.
Zane didn’t know when their fingers entwined, but his heart beat in a powerful rhythm, as if their bodies were communicating. “But they’re not here to back you up anymore. And you had them hurt me, and I can’t stand this stuff being around. Do you understand?” he asked. His voice didn’t falter this time.
Roach swallowed a gulp of air, his shoulders shaking. “You outed me to him. You didn’t care. You just fucking outed me. My life would have been even more of a hell than it already was.”