Gunner fell back on the pillow with a deep sigh, painfully sober again and all too aware of what he’d done. “Well, it’s not not true. You said there’s a video?”
Caspian chuckled, grabbed the phone and rubbed the fingerprint reader against Gunner’s digit. “Oh, and Noah also knows you’re okay. He’s the one who showed me this,” he said, offering him the phone.
Gunner watched the video in growing horror. Had he really done that? At an elegant party? He was fucking rabid and didn’t deserve to walk among people. No wonder others thought he was scum. He hid his face in his hands as soon as the video ended.
“Why am I such a shit? Sometimes I just can’t think fast enough, and then I—I can’t live your life. I’m useless.”
“I wouldn’t go that far, but yeah, you screwed up and didn’t even say sorry,” Caspian replied, a bit more harshly this time. “And that tattoo? And… piercings? What—?”
Gunner shook his head, overwhelmed by regret chewing through his insides. “I just wanted to feel more like myself. B-but I am sorry,” he whispered from behind his hands. “I’d like to make things right, but I’ll never be like you. I don’t have your vocabulary, or skills, or brains. I love being in this body, but I can’t be you.”
Caspian exhaled, his shoulders dropping as he squeezed his own nipples through the T-shirt. “Last time I checked you didn’t have them pierced. Was that just about getting back at me somehow?”
Gunner knocked his fist against his forehead. “I guess I… I was at the tattoo studio, and I remembered how you liked playing with them, and it was a bit of a spur of the moment kinda decision. Do you… like it?” Heat shot to his head when he realized how embarrassing that was. “Sorry. Don’t answer that. I’m an idiot. I need to make things right for you.”
Caspian sucked in his bottom lip. Chewed it. And then grabbed the sides of Gunner’s collar, only to rip the top all the way to the bottom, making it into a flimsy vest. Cool air tickled Gunner’s chest, and he froze in a moment of unexpected excitement when Caspian leaned in and placed his massive, warm hands on his skin, as if he were about to gather all the meat on Gunner’s pecs.
The tender flesh ached, but when Caspian kept his warm palms motionless, the throbbing became oddly pleasant.
“It’s... it’s a good look on you.”
Excitement tickled Gunner’s skin, but this really wasn’t the time to indulge in compliments. “How are you not smashing my face in?” He glanced down at those massive, tattooed hands, and while they used to belong to him, now they were Caspian’s, and he wanted to kiss them all over.
Caspian rolled his eyes and scowled before meeting Gunner’s gaze. “Mostly because you could have died. Also, you’re so cute it should be considered a lethal weapon,” he muttered and shook his head.
Gunner placed his hands over Caspian’s and held them to his chest, imagining an alternative world where this man’s strong arms would never let him go. It might have been a fantasy, but a beautiful one. “How can I make things better?” he asked, desperate to show Caspian that he wasn’t a waste of space.
He half-expected Caspian to laugh, ask for a lap dance, or a blowjob, but he sucked on his teeth and looked at Gunner. “Noah keeps talking about ways to swap us back, and I… I want to see my parents again, talk to them like I’m not a stranger. And I was really excited about starting my new job.”
The faint smile died on his lips, and he pulled on Gunner’s hand, enfolding it in his massive paws. If Caspian’s parents could excuse what Gunner had done earlier, then they must really love him.
“Yes, of course,” Gunner said right away. “I’ll do everything I can to make it happen. I’m so sorry I outed you, but Alex—and… yeah. We’re even on that front.” He dreaded to even think about the gossip that must have spread through the trailer park like wildfire.
“About that… I had a fight with Ralph and Todd. They don’t want to sell drugs with you anymore,” Caspian said quietly, his eyes turning as if he didn’t dare look up.
Gunner couldn’t blame Caspian. This whole mess was his fault, but how was he to pay off his debt without those two clowns? “Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Did it get violent? Are you okay?”
Caspian shrugged and lifted his shirt, showing off the bruises on his side. “Todd’s hurt more. But don’t worry, we’ll think of something and work out a new status quo,” he said with so much conviction a part of Gunner believed that his life might take a turn for the better, even once he was back in the body that had restricted him.