“Right,” he said. He told us to wait there and came back with a couple mugs of tea and some sandwiches. They were cheese, but it wasn’t Gilead cheese, it was real cheese: goat cheese with chives, a kind Melanie had liked.
“Thank you,” said Agnes. I’d started eating but I mumbled thanks with my mouth full.
“Your friend Ada says hello, and see you soon,” Captain Mishimengo said to me.
I swallowed. “How do you know Ada?”
He laughed. “Everyone’s related. Around here, anyways. We used to go deer-hunting in Nova Scotia together, back in the day.”
* * *
—
We reached our sleeping place by going down a ladder. Captain Mishimengo went first, turning on the lights. There were some freezers in the hold, and some big oblong metal boxes. On the side of one of the boxes was a hinged flap, and inside were two sleeping bags that didn’t look very clean: I guess we weren’t the first people to use them. The whole place smelled of fish.
“You can keep the box door open as long as there’s no problems,” said Captain Mishimengo. “Sleep tight, don’t let the bugs bite.” We heard his steps receding.
“This is kind of awful,” I whispered to Agnes. “The fish smell. These sleeping bags. I bet they have lice.”
“We should be grateful,” she said. “Let’s go to sleep.”
My GOD/LOVE tattoo was bothering me, and I had to lie on my right side to avoid squashing it. I wondered if I had blood poisoning. If so, I was in trouble because there was definitely not a doctor on board.
* * *
—
We woke up when it was still dark because the ship was rocking. Agnes climbed out of our metal box and went up the ladder to see what was happening. I wanted to go too but I really wasn’t feeling well.
She came back down with a thermos of tea and two hard-boiled eggs. We’d reached the ocean, she said, and the waves were rocking the ship. She’d never imagined waves that big, though Captain Mishimengo said they were nothing much.
“Oh God,” I said. “I hope they won’t get any bigger. I hate throwing up.”
“Please do not use the name of God as a casual swear word,” she said.
“Sorry,” I said. “But if you don’t mind me saying, supposing there is a God, he has totally effed up my life.”
I thought she’d get angry then, but all she said was, “You are not unique in the universe. No one has an easy time in life. But maybe God has effed up—as you put it—your life for a reason.”
“And I can hardly fucking wait to find out what that is,” I said. The pain in my arm was making me very irritable. I shouldn’t have been so sarcastic, and I shouldn’t have sworn at her.
“But I thought you grasped the true goal of our mission,” she said. “The salvation of Gilead. The purification. The renewal. That is the reason.”
“You think that festering shitheap can be renewed?” I said. “Burn it all down!”
“Why would you want to harm so many people?” she asked gently. “It’s my country. It’s where I grew up. It’s being ruined by the leaders. I want it to be better.”
“Yeah, okay,” I said. “I get it. Sorry. I didn’t mean you. You’re my sister.”
“I accept your apology,” she said. “Thank you for understanding.”
We sat in the dark silence for a few minutes. I could hear her breathing, and a few sighs.
“You think this is going to work?” I asked finally. “Will we get there?”
“It’s not in our hands,” she said.
Transcript of Witness Testimony 369A