“Are you out of your mind?” Sirri gritted out, turning to Rohan.
“You shouldn’t have given him the boy,” Warrehn said at the same time.
Ignoring them, Rohan glanced around. “We should go home, too. It’s not safe to remain here now that we don’t have Eridan as leverage.”
Sirri snorted. “Why, I thought you were now best friends with that creep?”
Rohan gave her a flat look and activated his transponder, knowing that for all their bitching and grumbling they’d do as ordered. They always did.
Next time he opened his eyes, he was on the orbital station again, for the first time in over a month. He stared at the gray walls and closed his eyes, trying to adjust to the resounding silence at the back of his mind.
He managed to school his features into a neutral expression by the time Sirri and Warrehn materialized next to him.
“Now what?” Sirri said.
“Now we go home and fine-tune our plans while we wait,” Rohan said, without meeting her gaze.
Home.
It didn’t feel like he was going home.
“And what if the Grandmaster won’t accept your offer?”
Rohan said curtly, “He will.”
He strode toward the hangar bay, trying not to think about what he would do if Idhron didn’t.
Chapter 24
The first month after Rohan left was… hectic.
Jamil felt almost grateful for the problems their House faced now that Seyn’s betrothal to Ksar was broken. Jamil was busy trying to do damage limitation and choose a new fiancé for Seyn. Despite the scandal the broken betrothal had caused, there were still hundreds of potential candidates to consider. Seyn had given Jamil and their mothers free reign, oddly indifferent to who would replace Ksar as his betrothed. Jamil had an idea about why his brother seemed so dejected, but he didn’t feel like he could deal with Seyn’s messy emotions when he couldn’t deal with his own.
His days were so busy Jamil barely had time to breathe.
But nights were a different matter.
At night, he was left alone with his thoughts, alone with the dull ache where his heart was.
He felt hollow, in a way he hadn’t felt even after Mehmer’s death. Even spending time with Tmynne didn’t help. He hated himself for searching for Rohan’s features on her face, hated himself for feeling disappointed that she was looking more like Jamil every day, losing the few features she had seemed to share with her other father.
It was unhealthy; Jamil knew that. Tmynne was her own person, not an extension of Rohan. She deserved to be loved for being herself. She didn’t have to look like Rohan for Jamil to love her. He did love her. He adored her, now more than ever. She was the main reason why he got out of bed in the mornings. Her smile was the only thing that filled his heart with joy, no matter how short-lived.
He still wished she looked like Rohan. It was selfish and irrational, but he couldn’t change how he felt.
“Jamil!”
He flinched, nearly spilling the tea he was nursing. He focused his gaze on the Queen. “Yes, Mother?”
The Queen exchanged a look with the Queen-Consort. They both radiated concern, and Jamil quickly schooled his features into attentiveness and reinforced his mental shields. He didn’t want to worry them. They already had another son to worry about.
“Darling, do you wish to take a break?” the Queen-Consort said softly. “We have been here for hours. You look tired.”
“I’m fine,” Jamil said, straightening up and turning his gaze to the hologram in front of them. “You want my opinion on Ambassador Denev? I think… I think he’s a decent man.”
“Hmm.” The Queen looked thoughtful. “He is. It is rumored that he is going to be the President of his planet soon.”
“And everyone knows how smitten he is with Seyn,” her wife added with an approving smile. “Which is as important.”
The Queen’s lips thinned. “Certainly. After Ksar’s despicable treatment of him, Seyn deserves someone who will appreciate him. He deserves to be happy.”
Jamil wasn’t at all sure that Seyn would be happy with someone like Denev. He had a sneaking suspicion that anyone not named Ksar wouldn’t make his brother happy, anyway. But Ksar and Seyn had made their choices. It wasn’t his place to question them, no matter how badly he wanted to smack them both sometimes. They had it so easy. All that separated them was their pride, which, granted, they both had an abundance of, but still. They had it so easy.
“Seyn isn’t the only one who deserves to be happy,” the Queen-Consort said, watching him with a frown. “Are you sure you’re all right, darling? You looked so much happier in the past few months. We thought you finally moved on from Mehmer’s death, but now you seem worse than you were in those first months.”
“We don’t understand, Jamil,” the Queen added.
Jamil bit his lip, searching for words that wouldn’t be an outright lie. He couldn’t lie to his mothers. He just couldn’t.