Before I have the chance to ask him anything more, he places the softest kiss by the corner of my mouth. My skin hums with awareness as his lips linger on the spot.
I hate myself for leaning into him. Jax is addictive, proving to me how much I crave his lips against mine. The kiss in my apartment didn’t satisfy a craving—it created one. One I have no place experiencing in the first place, seeing as I asked him to focus on himself rather than something between us.
Jax steps away from me. “Learn to let go of whatever’s haunting you. You don’t want to become like me, ruining anything good in your life. Unfortunately, people like me don’t get a big happy ending. But you deserve it all. The dancing in the rain finale with some lovesick twat who can give you the best of him for the rest of your long lives.”
He walks back to his room, leaving me in a mess of my own emotions.
Jax Kingston stole a piece of my heart, and I’m not sure if I’ll ever get it back. And worse, I don’t know if I want it.
20
Jax
“So, how have you been this week?” Tom interrupts my usual counting. We’ve fallen into a comfortable pattern, with me answering a few of his questions every week. I won’t tell Connor but having someone to vent to has helped me manage my anxiety more effectively. I still get the usual trembles and what not, but it’s unavoidable while transitioning to a new medication.
“It’s been all right. I’ve been prepping for the Canadian Grand Prix and keeping busy.”
“Busy is good. And how’s your family?”
“Mum’s doing a bit better this week. For the first time in a while, Dad was able to travel for work. People think he sits around all day, but he actually sponsors some up-and-coming MMA fighters. He says sadly boxing is a dying sport.”
“MMA is pretty entertaining. And it’s good to hear your mom’s having a better week. I’m sure that helps with your stress.”
“Yeah, thank fuck. They actually asked me to stay with them during the summer break before the British Grand Prix.”
“How do you feel about that?”
“Good, except Elena is stuck babysitting me in London, too. That means she would spend a month with me and my parents.” I run my hand across my stubbled jaw.
“A month is a long time.”
“No shit.”
“Do you want Elena to meet them?”
“Not really. For multiple reasons, and the biggest issue is how she doesn’t know my mum is sick.”
“Is that something you want to share with her?”
“I know I can trust Elena not to say anything, but it doesn’t make the process any easier. But I honestly don’t have much of a choice.”
“What about her knowing makes it hard for you?”
“It feels like I’m knocking down the last barrier between us. She’d know everything there is to know about me.”
“And what about it makes you afraid?”
I take the deepest breath as I consider backing out of telling Tom. Instead, I power through, knowing I need to talk to someone about it. A bloody anomaly. “My mum has Huntington’s Disease.”
Tom remains quiet. His silence feeds my fear, causing me to sit up and look at him.
I hate the sadness in his eyes. I’ve grown accustomed to that look throughout my life. “You don’t need to look at me like that.”
“Shit, Jax. I’m sorry to hear that.” He shakes his head.
“This changes nothing I’ve said and the decisions I’ve made.” I fist my hands in front of me.
He taps his pen against his leg. “Have you been tested?”