Eric Bacon had nothing else to say.
“Nobody say anyth—,” Jenny tried to warn. Her voice disappeared up Mr. Gorf’s nose.
Soon the class was quiet.
Mr. Gorf’s middle nostril had snorted all of their voices.
g
g
Except for Allison. She remained silent. She knew she’d only get one chance to speak, and she had to wait for just the right moment.
“What good little boys and girls you are,” said Mr. Gorf. “So nice and quiet.” He laughed.
“Of course, this isn’t my real voice,” he said. “I stole this voice from a gentleman I met in Scotland.”
He touched the tip of his nose.
“This is my voice!” he squawked.
If a donkey could talk, and if the donkey had a sore throat, and if it spoke with a French accent — that was what Mr. Gorf’s voice sounded like.
But what he said next was even more horrible than his voice.
“Mrs. Gorf was my mommy.”
The children sat frozen in their chairs, too scared to move.
Suddenly there was a knock on the door.
Mr. Gorf touched his nose. “Who is it?” he asked in the pleasant voice he stole from the Scottish gentleman.
“Miss Mush,” said Miss Mush from the other side of the door. “I just came up to say hello and welcome you to Wayside School.”
“That’s very nice of you, Miss Mush,” said Mr. Gorf. “But we’re very busy right now. Maybe we can get together for tea and crumpets sometime.”
Miss Mush giggled. “That sounds lovely,” she said. “By the way, Mr. Gorf, are you married?”
“No, I’m single,” said Mr. Gorf.
“So am I,” said Miss Mush.
“Miss Mush!” shouted Allison. “Help! Mr. Gorf is taking—”
Mr. Gorf’s nose flared.
“Did you say something, Allison?” asked Miss Mush.
Mr. Gorf touched his nose. Then he spoke, this time using Allison’s voice. “Mr. Gorf is taking us on a field trip next week. But he might need help. Do you want to come with us?”
“Maybe,” said Miss Mush. “Thank you, Allison.”
“Oh, don’t thank me,” said Allison’s voice. “Thank Mr. Gorf. He’s the best teacher in the whole world!”
“I’m glad,” said Miss Mush. “He sounds very charming.”
“And so do you,” said Mr. Gorf, speaking like the gentleman from Scotland. He touched his nose.