With a deep breath, my eyes opened to find him staring at me. I realized then that this moment was intimate on a level I hadn’t intended it to be. He’d just watched me come, and somehow, I’d gotten lost.
With shaky breaths, I moved to stand, his hand slipping from me and out of my pants. I buttoned my jeans quickly, and adjusted my shirt so I was covered. But the
re was no hiding what had just happened. My emotions had gotten the better of me.
Cal sat forward, his eyes never leaving mine, and rested his elbows on his knees. All those muscles rippling, that tattoo flashing in the low light, and eyes blazing with intent.
He was beautiful.
“Cal, I’m sorry, but—”
“Nope,” he said quickly. “I don’t want to hear anything about being sorry. If that’s the line you’re thinking, then it would be better for you to just go.”
My mouth dropped. How had that happened? How had I gone from anger, to bliss, to brushed off in moments?
“I’m not doing this again. I’m not going to play mind games,” I said.
“Good, because I’m not either. And there is no again, when it comes to me. This is our first time, not our last, and not a repeat.” His expression was hard, and I knew what he meant. He wasn’t Jack. Therefore, he was right, there was no again since there was no before. “I want you. And if that means cleaning up his mess, I’ll do it. But don’t mistake my acknowledgment of reality for an invitation of your guilt.”
His words hit me harder than a strike to the face. “This isn’t easy,” I snapped. “I’m still dealing with having my world fall apart and a man walk off with half my heart like I was nothing to him, while I stand here trying to pick up the pieces.”
“I know it’s not easy. But everything you do, and everything you feel, is on you now. Own it. Don’t be sorry for it.”
Rage and sadness speared my gut like a sharp knife. He was right. And it hurt. Truth did that sometimes. If I wanted to be strong, to be my own person and try to get past the last few months of my life, then I had to own it.
It didn’t make it any less hard though.
“I’ll call my aunt and set up a meeting,” he said, like he hadn’t just been kissing me. “As far as you and I go, if you want to run, fine, I can deal with that. But come find me when you’re done hiding.”
Chapter 4
“How did the meeting with your advisor go?” Harper asked, as I walked through the front door.
“Fine,” I said, and locked the door behind me, the “beep-beep” sounding right after from the alarm had turned into a comforting noise. The small reminder I needed that no one, not even Brock with his creepy stalking, could hurt me in here. I was in control. I had taken it back.
That was…until a few minutes ago when I walked out of the fire station.
“Just fine?” Harper asked, looking me over. “You have sex hair.” Her eyes went wide. “Please don’t tell me you’re screwing the professor?”
I rolled my eyes. “She’s a woman, and no.” I ran my fingers through my hair. “It’s just a little messy.”
Harper wasn’t buying it. Especially since I had avoided her questioning glares since she’d crawled through the door yesterday with her own case of sex hair. I’d tried to ask her about the Viking, she asked me about my ride home with Cal, we both gave minimal information and neglected the real issues.
“Uh-huh, so how is Cal?” she asked. But before I could change the topic, she finished with, “I saw you walking over to the station with him. Is that where the sex hair came from?”
“We didn’t have sex,” I sat on the chair in the living room and pulled my knees to my chest.
“Maybe you should have.”
I frowned at my best friend. “I thought you didn’t even like him? At one point, you told me that he wasn’t the right kind of guy for me.”
“That was at one point, not the point you’re at now. I’ve watched you mope around here for weeks, and when you’re with Cal is the only time you seem to smile. So if that overgrown fire chaser is what gets you hot and happy, then I say go for it.”
I shook my head and let out a long, long breath. “I don’t have the brain power for this tonight.”
“Still not sleeping?” Harper asked.
“No, not really.”