Jack’s eyes stayed right on my face. “Yes, Cal wanted time with you. I’d been prepared to fight him on that. To stay with you. But after seeing your step-brother, shaking his fucking hand and finding out what he’d done?” Jack shook his head. “I needed space to suppress the rage. It didn’t take me long to realize that I hated the lack of control. Hated the situation. And it was because I love you so damn much.”
I gasped, but his lips pulled back from his teeth and he bit the next words out.
“And I hated myself because I couldn’t protect you.” He closed in. Black gaze flaming from beneath thick lashes and said, “But, I can now. And I will. So, deal with it.”
I swallowed hard, my head slowly turning from side to side, as if trying to register everything he’d just admitted. “You hated me?”
“Yes, because it was the only emotion I understood. I won’t let anyone hurt you, Lana. Including yourself.”
“That’s not up to you,” I whispered.
“Maybe not, but I won’t stop trying.”
“I hated you too,” I admitted. “Still do. Because you ripped away everything when you left.”
“You’re strong, baby.”
I didn’t feel strong. I felt weak. Tired. Scared. Mad. So mad because he had the nerve to hate me…had even more nerve to love me.
“I’m sorry I met you,” I said around clenched teeth.
He nodded and leaned closer, like he understood, was okay with me saying what I was saying. Which only heightened the bubbling anger to a full boil.
“I’m sorry I’m not as strong as you think.” Keeping the tears pushed back was hard, but I did and powered through my thoughts. “I’m sorry I kept things from you. I’m sorry I thought I could handle it on my own. But, mostly, I’m sorry I fell in love with you.”
He closed in on me and gripped the back of my head, threading his fingers through my hair. “That’s a shame,” he rasped and bit my lower lip. “Because I’m only sorry I left. And I’ll be sorry for that for the rest of my life.”
I pushed at his chest, but he didn’t budge. Yet, somehow, pushing at him made me feel better. Made the anger rise and spew over like lava from a volcano. I got lost to it. Wanted to hurt him. Wanted him to feel the pain I was feeling. My palms slapped against his chest again, and again, he didn’t budge. He let me hit him. Let me push at him. All while maneuvering me back against the wall. When he pressed me against it, his hand in my hair took the force so my head didn’t hit. Even now, he was protecting me. And it only skyrocketed my anger.
The battery that was Jack Powell hummed with energy and gave me a full charge. He was trying to help me. Hold me.
I shoved at him again.
“Do what you need to do, baby,” he growled in a thick deep voice. Those words broke past my consciousness and I did just that.
Do whatever it takes to get through this…
“You left me,” I yelled and smacked his chest again.
“Yes,” he admitted.
“You think I’m strong? Do I look like I’m strong to you?” I smacked again.
“You’re the strongest person I’ve ever known,” he said. “Stronger than me. Stronger than you realize.”
I shook my head. It had taken everything I had to move away from his memory. And still, I wasn’t over him. Would never be.
And it wasn’t fair. The truth wasn’t fair. The pain wasn’t fair.
But life didn’t care about fair.
“You. Left. Me!” Another slap, and he just took it.
My forehead fell against his bare chest, and I just heaved in and out oxygen. Waiting for this feeling to leave my system. My lips brushed against his skin and the slightest taste of him wasn’t even close to enough. I was dipping my finger in the sugar bowl and wasn’t ready to pull back. Instead, I took a deeper taste.
Parting my lips, I barely pushed my tongue enough to make contact with his smooth skin. He was hot and spicy and the tiniest hit of him sent an instant high racing through me.
His free hand came up to cup my throat and I looked him in the eye…our mouths open and a fraction apart, breathing each other in.