Running his fingertip along my jaw, he stared down at me.
“I’m not good at offering information or explaining things I’d rather not.”
I laughed a little, because I was getting used to his blunt truth, though it still caught me off guard at times.
“Yeah, I know. We covered that.” I sighed and looked up at the man who made me crazy. Made me happy. Made me feel not so…alone. “But I can’t ask you for things that I’m not giving either.”
He tilted his head slightly, his gaze doing that sweeping thing I loved so much that made me feel like he was really seeing me.
“So I’m going to do better.” I placed my palm over his heart, needing to feel that steady beat to ground myself for what I was about to say. “I want you.” I admitted, simply and honestly. “But I get lost in that sometimes. And when the fog clears, reality is difficult to return to. You’re the only thing that grounds me. I want to be that for you.”
“I can tell you honestly that you don’t ground me, Amy.”
My lungs shut off and small pricks stung my eyes like a swarm of bees. This was it. I’d asked him what this was for him, told him how I felt, and now he was ending it.
“You confuse the hell out of me,” he said, gently brushing his mouth over mine. I stood in shock, prepping for the goodbye. Wondering if this was our last kiss. He gently shook his head, as if reading my mind and responding. “You break every tie that tethers me to my control.” He nipped my bottom lip, “I don’t want to be grounded, Amy. Because you take me someplace better.”
I couldn’t help it: A tear rolled down my cheek, and Roman followed it with his lips, gently kissing the wet trail it left.
“You…you aren’t breaking up with me?”
I felt his smile against my skin. “Silly woman,” he said. “I have so many intentions for you, none of which include distance.”
“I want to know you,” I whispered. “Share things with you. Be there for you.”
“There are things I won’t talk about, Amy.”
I nodded. “I know.”
“But I’m not alone in that.” Hooking his finger under my chin, he raised my face to look at him. “You have innocent eyes, but they’re also haunted. Are you ready to tell me everything, Amy?”
I swallowed hard. When it came to him and how I felt, I could put it out there. Just like he was now. But the rest? The sadness and shame of my past—of what Warren was trying to do—no, I wasn’t ready to tell him. In fact, I was actively trying to find a way not to tell him. Because he was the only person who made me think of Lauren in a good way. Who didn’t make me mentally berate myself every time her memory crossed my mind, tainting it with guilt and horror. And Warren’s threats or not, I wasn’t ready to let that go. But I was running out of time.
“Maybe you’re right,” I whispered. “Maybe the full truth is too much to ask for. At least right now. Maybe we’re fighting a losing battle.”
Or maybe I needed to finally wake up and stop clinging to an unobtainable man with an outrageous agenda and a life I’d never fully understand or fit into. But damn it, I wanted to fit, because it was with him that I felt the most at peace.
“How can you be upset when we agree?” he asked.
“Because I would let you in,” I whispered. “Eventually. With everything. And I don’t know if you’d ever do the same.”
“You said you wanted me. Is it enough that I want you back?” he asked, and tucked a lock of hair behind my ear.
“Honestly? You’ve already caught me. I just feel like I’m still reaching for you.”
Deep down I knew I’d give him anything. Including the truth that terrified me, if it came to that. But I didn’t think Roman would ever fully let down his guard.
“Maybe my trip this weekend is good. Give us time to think,” I said.
“What is it you want to think about?”
“I was talking about you having time to think.”
“I’m not sure I appreciate your assumption that I don’t think regularly.” He grinned. I smiled and he pulled me closer.
“You know what I’m trying to say,” I said.
He nodded. “You want me to evaluate my objectives for this relationship.”