“You wanted me to have sex with him?”
“Why not? You spread your legs for every other male that crosses your path. What’s one more? Oh wait, I know.” His voice turned hard. “Noah was the one that held the key to the funding I needed to continue my work at the church. The one that would pave the way toward your mother’s happiness and our future together. She’s told me of your selfishness, Heaven. The dramatics and intentional harm you did to yourself. The hours lost. The money spent. She assured me you’d gotten better, but obviously you’re still an entitled brat incapable o
f looking out for anyone else.”
Tears ran down my face, hot and bitter. Every word he said was dipped in truth.
“I’m sorry, Daddy,” I choked. Hardly able to see through my tears.
“It’s too late for apologies, Heaven, but thank you for the call. I can at least try to attempt some damage control with Mr. Hancock in the morning.”
He hung up and I sat in the silent car holding the phone, feeling the darkness spread until the flicker of an idea tugged at me and I started the car. I turned away from Allendale and got back on the two-lane highway.
I felt a pang of homesickness as I drove away; for the small house I’d shared with my mother, the bedroom the boys snuck into at different times, squeezing their large bodies into my small, single bed. That was where they’d learned the truth about my self-harm and when they built the protective wall around me. A wall I continued to jackhammer away with my bad decisions.
I sped away from the main road that passed the high school where I won Winter Princess and Spencer tried to rape me in the parking lot. Going further would take me to Oliver’s massive home and his cozy apartment. The place Anderson took my virginity. The place where that precious, special moment was recorded and used against me.
Everything good in my life had an equal and resounding negative reaction.
They were the light. I was the dark and as long I was in their lives I would continue to taint them with pain.
My father made that clear.
With both hands on the wheel, I kept going, knowing now that Allendale wasn’t the place for me to make my peace. I needed to go further down the road, past the tree line to the place where the ocean met the shore.
I got off at the final exit—the last one before the road took a sharp left up the coast. The sign read Oceanside, the letters rusty with age, like everything else about this town. Unchanging. Unrelenting. This was where I came from. The soil from my birth. If any place could wash away my sins, it would be this tiny edge of earth.
I drove down the quiet beach road. It was late. The locals were all asleep and it was long past any kind of tourist season. There was a small dirt road that led straight to the water. I’d been down it many times with Justin and when I found it, I took it. The rain drops lessened, and by the time I parked they’d stopped entirely. Rolling down my window, I caught the strong scent of salty air and the rumble of crashing waves, feeling a sense of peace that’d been missing for too long.
Kicking off my shoes, I stepped into the cool, wet sand. The wind blew hard, pushing the storm out to sea, and my ears filled with the roaring waves.
The clouds vanished, revealing a sky full of stars. For the first time in ages I felt whole. On the edge of the continent I was just me. Heaven. Not the slut or the whore. Not the girl that could be manipulated and used. Not a body or a vessel to further someone else’s agenda.
Out here, I couldn’t hurt anyone else and no one could hurt me.
Taking a deep, solidifying breath, I waded in.
29
Hayden
Oliver screeched the Mustang to a stop outside of Stetson Hall. I climbed in the back, leaving the seat up. Jackson scrambled in, wet from the rain, and Anderson sat in the front. His hand was bloody and swollen.
“What the hell happened to you?” I asked, reaching forward.
“He punched Noah,” Jackson said. “Fucker had it coming.”
Anderson let me inspect his hand—I’d busted mine up dozens of times in the goal. “I don’t think you broke anything.”
In his other hand he held up his phone. “I know how we can find Heaven.”
“Remember a few months ago when we went on that trip to the amusement park? I put that tracker on everyone’s phone so we could meet up.”
Oliver nodded. “It’s still on there?”
“Unless Heaven turned hers off. I’ve used it a few times since to check up on everyone.” He looked at me. “You know, when you’re running late.”
“Stalker.”