“Maybe I’ll see you there. We can hang out.”
I cough, wanting to say she’s going with me or one of my brothers, but I can’t. We’re not allowed to even go out in public with her. At this very moment I’m violating a crap-ton of rules we set up to get things straightened out. I’d even been outright rude to Sierra.
I have no regrets.
Thankfully a sign directing us to the little town of Murphy’s shows up on the side of the road. “Oh look,” I say, hoping to cut the chit-chat about New Year's Eve to a close, “there’s the farm.”
I turn the truck into the dirt road and find a place in the parking lot. I back in, knowing we’ll need to load the trees in the back, which gives me the chance to toss my arm around the back of the bench seat and curl it over Starlee’s shoulder. The tires dip in a rut, and she jostles into me, grabbing my thigh to keep from falling. I grit my teeth. It’s been a long time since she’s touched me there—anywhere—and my body is ramped up at the slightest interaction.
I lock the brake and shift into park and she still hasn’t moved her hand yet. I glance from her to Jasper and notice him noticing. A smirk of curiosity twists his lips.
“Well, let’s go get some trees,” I say, regretfully opening the door and escaping the cab that smells like coffee and Starlee’s shampoo.
“Oh my god, are those goats?” she asks in a high-pitched squeal. Sure enough, there’s a pen with baby goats frolicking around bales of hay. She leaves me and Jasper to lean over the fence.
“Look man, I’m sorry if I crossed the line talking to her about New Year’s. I didn’t know you were dating. I mean, I’d heard she and Jake were a thing, but they barely spoke today, so I figured—”
“We’re not dating,” I say. I hate it, but if he tells Christina or anyone else that we may still be together, that’s not going to help Sierra. “We’re just good friends.”
“Oh,” he says, his face relaxing. “Cool. I wasn’t trying to be a dick or anything. She’s just really hot, you know?”
“Yeah, I know.” I follow his gaze to see Starlee’s stepped up on the first beam of the fence so she can lean closer to the goats. Her ass looks good in the tight gray and black leggings. The sun is shining and the sky is a wide, clear blue, making her hair look redder than normal. There’s a smile on her face—something carefree I haven’t seen in a while. I know the situation with the four of us has worn on her. Hell, it’s worn on all of us. There’s a lightness to her today that I just can’t place. Maybe she’s glad to be here with another guy. That thought sends me to a foul place.
“Hey, Starlee, I’m going to go find the manager. He’s knows we’re coming to get the tree for the school.”
“I’ll come with you,” she says, hopping off the fence.
“I guess I’ll go pick out the trees for the resort.”
“Meet you back here in a little while?” she says, walking toward the little office. Jasper definitely watches her go.
Once there’s a bit of distance between us, I grab Jasper by the arm. “Look, I may not be dating Starlee, but I’m not kidding when I say she’s a good friend. She’s new here and comes from a background that makes her a little naïve. She’s not looking for a boyfriend.”
His eyes shift between me and Starlee, who is already at the office door. “No one said anything about a boyfriend, Evans.” He jerks his arm away. “I just thought she may be fun to hang with. It’s not my problem if you’re too chicken to make a move.”
He’s lucky it’s me that he said that to and not Dexter, or he’d be picking his teeth off the ground. He doesn’t wait for me to reply, which is fine; anything I say will get me in trouble. As much as I trust Starlee, there’s the slightest bit of worry that maybe she’d rather have a guy that can take her on dates and hold her hand in public and kiss her at midnight on New Year’s Eve.
Those are the things bothering me as I venture through the tree farm alone, looking for trees that fit the height and width specifications given to me by my dad. I’m getting fifty bucks for this job, which made him pretty happy. He likes to see us work. I still haven’t told him about applying for art school. I’d done all that on my own. I figure I’ll tell him once I’m accepted. If I’m accepted. Charlie and I both get the appeal of keeping some things from him now and not fighting everything. It all goes smoother if we play by my dad’s rules.
A staff member helps me with my trees, since I need so many of them and they’re larger than average. It still takes longer than Starlee and Jasper, who are inside the fence playing with the goats. I watch them from a far, Jasper holding out his hand filled with hay to feed the goats. Starlee laughs, her smile bright and wide and I don’t like the jealousy blooming in my chest.
“That little one keeps getting away from me,” she cries, pointing to a tiny black and white goat.
“He’s just scared, how about this one?” Jasper points to a larger, fluffier brown goat chewing on a rubber ball.
I enter the gate and slowly walk to the little goat. He’s skittish, bouncing away whenever I get too close, but I’m able to pin him just inside the red barn and pick him up.
“You got him!” Starlee says, walking over. She pets his head and scratches behind his ears. “He’s so cute.”
“You seem happy today,” I tell her. “Something’s different.”
She shrugs and focuses on the goat.
After wallowing in my jealousy for the last hour I can’t help but ask, “Is it him? Is it because it’s easier? Because I understand that, Star. This whole thing sucks.”
“What?” She looks up at me with those brilliant green eyes. “You think I’m in a good mood because of Jasper?”
“I don’t know,” I whisper, feeling dumb. “I’d say it was the goats but you’ve had a glow about you since I saw you walk in the shop with him this morning.” I lower the goat to the ground and pull off my gloves so I can grab her hand. We’re inside the barn where no one can see us.