“Is it really that serious?” he asks me like I’m being dramatic.
I sit there dumbfounded, falling back into my seat as my blood turns cold. I try to clear my throat, but it’s dry so I pick up the plastic cup of Coke and take a sip and then another, staring out of the large bay window and watching the cars drive by too. I ignore the pain in my chest and the way my eyes sting.
We’re over. I won’t give myself to someone who won’t do the same in return.
But I already have, and that’s the part that hurts the most. Young and dumb, puppy love. Whatever it’s called, it’s a brutal bitch.
It was a similar breakup, like so many that we’d gone through. At the time, it felt like the worst thing imaginable. Like he’d taken my heart and torn it to shreds and didn’t give a damn about it.
So I stormed off. Determined to piss him off and get under his skin like he’d gotten under mine.
I went down Rodney Street, making sure to take the first few streets I’d normally walk down on the way to my house. Just in case Nathan was watching. And then I went left, down his street. Into his territory.
I remember gritting my teeth and feeling so vindicated. He didn’t want to date me, fine. He wasn’t going to tell me what to do then.
I was in my boots and a flimsy sweater, not nearly warm enough for the weather and I cursed Nathan under my breath, not bothering to look where I was going or to notice how the people on the streets were disappearing, leaving the sidewalks vacant.
I looked up to see a street light flicker, the only one that was lit on that side of the street.
And then it happened. Chills cover my arms as I remember.
His hands were cold and rough as he pulled me just inside the alley. My heart slammed as I screamed out in surprise. His breath smelled like cigarettes. I tried to get away, I scrapped and screamed again, but I didn’t have to try hard.
It was over so quickly. That’s the part that was so utterly shocking. It only took one motion, one swift pull and shove from Nathan. The man flew back as Nathan ripped him away, tearing his fingers from under my sweater, his dirty nails scratching my skin as he was snatched away.
I heard a cry, my shrill scream from the terror I hadn’t realized was over. And then a crack. The sound is so pure in my head. A skull crashing against the sharp corner of a dumpster.
Crack.
It silenced me. It made the chaos go still. Somehow, deep inside, I knew it was all over from that sound. As if it were deeply embedded in me to know it was the sound that comes with immediate death.
So many questions rushed me. I kept wondering if it was real. Did it really happen?
Nathan dragged me down the street as I barely managed to keep up with him. Towing me by the arm and asking me over and over if I was okay. Physically I was fine; emotionally I was shaken, but I couldn’t answer him.
Maybe I was in shock. I don’t know, but when we stopped in front of the liquor store I stumbled and tried to figure out why we were there.
“The cops are coming,” he told me.
My voice was caught in my throat. “Say something!” Nathan screamed as he shook me and although my memory is biased, I swear I saw fear.
“He’s dead?” The words somehow slipped out.
Nathan stared at me as the realization dawned on me.
“They’ll never know you had anything to do with it,” he told me and then he let go of my hand. He ran a hand down the side of my face and now I know he was saying goodbye, one last touch, but I didn’t understand it back then. I tried to hold his hand as he lowered it, but he pulled it away.
“You need to leave, Hally.”
I stared up at him, dumbfounded and unsteady.
But the man was dead, the cops were here and I was looking into the cold eyes of the boy I loved so much. I’d never felt more alone and guilty in my entire life.
Chapter 19
Nathan
* * *
I never dared to dream I could have her again. Not after I was so cold to her and distanced myself so completely. And now all I can see is her slowly slipping away from me after the way she acted in that meeting.
Our strides are in unison as we walk toward her dressing room, but I grab her hand with mine and keep moving, and she follows me. Just that acknowledgement is enough for me to wrap my arm around her waist, bringing her closer to me and holding her right where she belongs.