“You’ve seen it? Has Eddy seen it?”
“She’s with Riley right now, not yet. Is all of this real, or has it been doctored somehow?”
Unfortunately, it was all real. It was the interview from the night of the charity auction when I was drunk, and upset, and jealous and the interviewer asked me about Easton. Every spiteful and angry thought that I had ever had about him had made an appearance and I just let it all out. I couldn’t say that the clip had been shown out of context or that it was some sort of deep fake situation. That was me. I had said what I had said, and now it was out there for everyone else to hear.
“It was real. I said all that stuff.” Brenna looked surprised. I had just found out about the interview coming out today. A couple of days ago, the promised feature with the very prestigious magazine that Toby had promised had come out, detailing my transformation process with Easton. I hadn’t thought much about it because things had progressed for me and Easton beyond our professional relationship. I had no reason to think about the magazine. The feature in the magazine, even though Toby had offered it as a means to entice me to take on Easton as a client, had not been the reason why I took him on.
I had taken Easton on because I didn’t have a reason to say no. I wanted the challenge and in our time together, we had ended up meaning a lot more to each other than we previously anticipated. The interview was a complete mistak
e. I said what I said but I didn’t mean it. I felt ambushed at the time and it was just the right circumstances to make me say things that I knew were hurtful and that had been true at one time, but they were no longer true. Maggie had called me this morning telling me about the interview clip making rounds online and on television. She had been at work trying to get various outlets to pull it, but it hadn’t worked. They all offered instead for me to put out another statement, but I didn’t want to do that. There was only one person who deserved an explanation for the things that I had said.
That person was not taking my calls. He hadn’t answered a single one of my text messages even though my phone indicated that he had seen a lot of them. I didn’t know what to do. I was spiraling.
“Missy, why did you do that? I mean, you didn’t mean those things, why did you say them? Or did you actually mean them?”
“A lot of that night is actually a blur. By the time the interviewer had shoved the camera and mike into my face, I was drunk. I know that doesn’t really sound like a good excuse, but I was feeling kind of reckless and just let it all out.”
“So you really feel those things about Easton?”
“No, I don’t. I will admit when I first met him that I was absolutely mortified. We had a very bad first impression and I didn’t think highly of him at all. That changed once we got to know each other, and I don’t think any of those things anymore. He’s brilliant, he really is. He’s a good guy but that’s not what I said that night. It was the night of the auction and…”
“And what?” Brenna asked.
“And, as I was on the carpet there was another woman, this beautiful lady who was cozying up to him way too much for my comfort. You see, Easton was a lot in the auction and I bid on him, ending up winning. The woman had been bidding against me, and I guess when she saw Easton alone after the auction, she went and tried to cozy up to him. I was jealous. I was angry and I said those things not realizing where the footage or the recording would end up.”
“All right, I can see how everything got to this point, but does Easton know any of this? Have you told him? Because he’s the person who deserves an apology in all of this.” I had tried to. Because he wasn’t getting back to me, that meant I still hadn’t. All that he knew at the moment was that I had done an interview not long ago and said horrible things about him that I didn’t really mean. They were mean-spirited things that I said out of jealousy and he thought that I still felt like that.
“He won’t get back to me. I’ve been trying to talk to him all day.”
“Maybe try a different day? Maybe after some time has passed? You have to understand that if he is angry right now and doesn’t want to talk to you, he actually has a good reason for it.” My eyes filled with tears. This was a huge mess. It was so outside of what I intended; it was ridiculous. I had somehow, because of my big mouth, managed to communicate to the man that I loved that I thought so little of him.
The thought was why this bothered me so much. I loved Easton, almost to a dangerous level. I never wanted to get this far into my feelings, but here I was. Not only was I in love with him, but I had also offended and hurt his feelings and now he wouldn’t talk to me.
Well, a relationship with him was what I was avoiding initially and now I wasn’t going to get it, so I guess I had gotten what I wanted in the first place.
I felt sick.
“Do I have a choice?”
“I’m really sorry that this happened to you, but since it has, you can’t control how or when he wants to see or talk to you again. That’s his decision.”
He could make the decision never to see or talk to me again. What if a few more days didn’t make him less angry and instead made him angrier? There was a chance that the last time I saw Easton was going to be the actual last time I ever saw him. What if we were done before we ever began? That he had found someone and moved on in a matter of days.
That would be his right if he wanted to do it. Were we ever truly together? No, because I pushed him away when I wanted to say yes. I sniffed feeling the tears again.
“You’re right. I know. Thanks.”
“I’m sorry babe,” Brenna said.
“Yeah, thanks.”
“It’s going to be okay. I know it doesn’t seem that way right now, but it will.” I thanked her and hung up. I hadn’t told her that I had already tried to go to Easton’s loft, and he had refused to buzz me in. I was embarrassed. It was an attack of Missy from the past who, when something happened between me and a guy, went off the handle and did something impulsive. He didn’t let me in though so at least I had spared myself the embarrassment of whatever would have happened if he had.
I didn’t have to hold the tears back anymore. I buried my face in my hands. I didn’t know what to do. The thought of what I had done to Easton was making me feel ill. I had to do something. I couldn’t let things lie like this. I got up and ran upstairs for my bag. Coming back down, I let myself out and hailed a cab.
I asked the cabbie for Easton’s office address. If he wasn’t at home, that was where he was. I didn’t want to go there to ambush him, I just wanted him to hear what I had to say. What he did with that information was up to him, but I had to get it out. I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight if I didn’t. I was so nervous on the ride there that my hands were shaking. I couldn't imagine any confrontation going well, I just didn’t want to lose my composure as I spoke to him, provided I got the chance to speak to him.
On the way up to the office, I unreasonably thought that everyone was staring at me. That wasn’t possible of course because I had only been to the office once and nobody should have been able to recognize me. My guilty conscience was making me run even though no one was chasing me. I wasn’t turned away when I said I was there to see Toby at the reception, so that gave me a little bit of hope. When I was finally summoned into his office, he was sitting at his desk.