“Short.”
“I’m pregnant.” Her purse hit the floor.
“What? Oh my god, Maggie… wait, what?”
She didn’t know that I had become sexually active in the past couple of months. I led her to the couch.
“I said…”
“I heard what you said, I want to know how… I mean I know how but how?”
This was the moment I had been dreading. Telling someone, just one person that I had been with Toby felt like so many more people than that knew, that was how big the secret felt. I realized I felt a little shameful about having done what I had done. I never thought it would come to this but seeing how much I was falling apart compared to Toby was embarrassing.
Brenna was my friend though and I knew she wasn’t going to judge me.
“Toby,” I said simply.
Her eyes went round as silver dollars.
“Toby? That Toby?”
“Yes.”
“How? No, wait, I know how but… when did this happen?”
“We’ve been having sex but it’s not a thing. We aren’t together or anything like that. It started the night of Missy’s proposal. I shouldn't have but I propositioned him.”
“You’re attracted to Toby?”
“I’d say about half the women in New York City and a lot of the men are too, Brenna.”
“I know, I’m not trying to point a finger or anything, but I know the way you are about relationships. I thought you didn’t really like the guy to be honest.”
“I don’t. I think he’s a whore, sleeping around like that, showing up with different girls all the time. It’s tacky. He looks desperate.”
“Right, but you…”
“That night, I don’t know, I was feeling weird. I felt so alone. I had no date and Missy was getting married, so I’d be alone and the only single one too in the group. I just wanted to do something that would make me forget and Toby was… available.”
“We don’t care that you don’t have anyone yet, Maggie. None of us are judging you but do you want someone?”
“I don’t. Or I didn’t. The truth is I do but I don’t know how to find it, where to find it or if I can even hang onto something like that if I get it.” She leaned across the sofa and hugged me. I started crying.
Was that a pregnancy symptom of was I just feeling pathetic and small?
Both.
“Have you told him?”
“No way.”
“You know you have to tell him, don’t you?”
“I can’t.”
“He’s responsible for this.”
“He doesn’t want anything to do with me. He doesn’t want a relationship and he made that clear many times. Do you know how I’d look trying to tell him that I’m having his baby?”