I avoid glancing at the gift table, praying as I smile at people I don’t know that no one expects me to go over there at any point in the day. I don’t want to be rude, but I wouldn’t know how to act. Just the thought of so much generosity makes my skin crawl and an impossible lump forms in my throat. I just don’t know how to act. We didn’t have parties or big celebrations. My birthday stopped being acknowledged when Mom moved us to the compound. The only one that counts there is a woman’s eighteenth because it’s her wedding day. That was a reason to celebrate. A boy’s sixteenth birthday wasn’t discussed much. People didn’t want to acknowledge the fact that those young men were being tossed out of the compound because they were a threat to what Charles Knight was trying to build.
I shudder with the memories and try to focus on the heat of Nate’s body against mine. He hasn’t stepped away from me once, and I cherish the fact that he reads me so easily to understand that I need this from him right now.
What isn’t exactly the best thing is the way my body is responding to him after that kiss. It wasn’t the deepest kiss, I’ve had. Cory had his tongue down my throat more times than I could count, but I never felt such heat before. It was magnetic. I swallow thickly, something I’ve done about a million times since we rejoined the party, but it does nothing to ease the desire building inside of me.
I want him to kiss me again, to touch me, to follow through with some of those dirty things he said last night. I want his hands on me while I’m awake, not just as a mistake while sleeping.
“I want to apologize,” the woman who told me about the gifts earlier says as she approaches. “I didn’t take into account how overwhelming all of this has to be for you. I’m going to get some help and move all of the gifts to your room. Feel free to go through them at your leisure.”
“April, this is Emmalyn. Kincaid’s wife,” Nate says.
“I’m grateful for your generosity. Thank you.”
She gives me a soft smile before walking away. Cara approaches next, a small smile on her face.
“Kind of freaky, right?”
I give her a quick nod. She must’ve been in my shoes when she showed up here. She also fully understands what I came from. The compound is no easy place to grow up, and because we weren’t born there, I feel like the indoctrination was harsher than it was for those born into that culture. Charles had to make sure we got in line and fast because problems amongst the people had the potential to spread like wildfire.
“I’ll help you go through the gifts and write thank you cards tomorrow,” she offers.
“Thank you.”
Nate shifts his weight beside me, making me look up at him. I know Cara is now standing here with me, but my pulse spikes at the thought of him walking away.
He presses his lips to my temple, getting his mouth close to my ear. He’s done this more than once, and my reaction to it hasn’t dulled at all. Tiny hairs all over my body stand up, and my nipples tighten against my bra. My cheeks flush with heat from embarrassment, but I also don’t tell him to stop because I like it so much.
“I’m going to go get us something to drink,” he whispers, the warmth of his breath making my eyes flutter. “Are you hungry?”
I nod. My stomach is in knots right now, so I know I won’t be able to eat, but I need something to do with my hands and to feed the baby.
“I won’t be gone long. Promise.”
Cara steps closer as Nate walks away, and I don’t miss Javier keeping an eye on the both of us from several feet away while he’s talking to another man.
“I’m never going to learn everyone’s name,” I mutter.
“You will. I thought the same thing.”
“I just threw a temper tantrum in front of the president and his wife. They’re probably going to kick me out before I even get the chance.”
“That wasn’t a temper tantrum. I see things are different between you and Apollo.”
“Subtle,” I murmur.
I don’t know if it’s a blessing or a curse, but a smiling woman comes up to us, making me snap my mouth closed. Talking about Nate right now should be easy. I feel like we’re finally in a good place, but I’m not going to do that around people I don’t know.
“Ivy,” the woman says with a smile.
“Yes, of course.” I do my best not to let my eyes dart across the room, but she catches me, smiling with a quick smile over her shoulder when she notices me looking at the other woman.