The greeting I want to make dies in my throat, and all I can manage is a panicked croak. I'm the worst welcoming committee, because I've freaked myself out so much that I can't function. A cold sweat is peppering my skin and I feel faint, even as I storm forward, determined. Once I see the person's face, I'll be fine. My heart will go back to normal and I'll be able to breathe again.
"Sam," Rokan says warmly. He pronounces my name like Sahhhhm, which I would normally find charming, but today I'm too rattled. I march up to the person at his side and flip the fur hood back.
A woman blinks at me, dark haired and pretty. Lila. His mate.
Of course. I feel like an idiot. Of course Rokan brought his mate along with his children. To cover my panicky actions, I immediately embrace Lila in a bear hug. "Hi there. Good to see you all. Is it just you guys?" I immediately move to Rokan's side and give him a hug too, though it's difficult given his height and the fact that he's got several traveling packs on his back. I move to their kid—Roman? Rollie?—and give him a squeeze, too. Cute little guy. "This is all? No one else?"
"It is good to see you, too," Rokan says, an amused look on his face. He glances behind him, and my heart pounds. "Sessah is with us. He has Lo-Lo with him. Sessah!" He cups a hand to his mouth, calling. "Come and greet Sam!"
"It's nice to see you," Lila says, her hands moving, and I remember that she talks with American Sign Language as well as verbally. I try to think of the few hand-signs I remember from working the coffee counter. I touch my chin, then push my hand out from my face in the “thank you” sign and her face lights up with a smile.
My own smile feels frozen to my face, and I wish I could calm down. I feel on the edge of a panic attack, my heart quivering harder than I've ever felt it. You're good, I tell myself silently. No Brad. Just Sessah. "Y-you guys are visiting?" I scramble to find the ASL word for “visiting” and end up doing a fingers-walking sign, inwardly wincing at my lack of knowledge. "I'm sorry, I don't know much ASL."
"I can teach you," Lila says, her hands moving. She smiles down at her son, whose long hair is pulled into three braids, equally spaced apart. "Rollan can, too."
Rollan. Right. The little one grins up at me and makes a sign with his hands, gesturing at his face. I blink at him, unable to concentrate. I'm so scattered that I just want to run away until I calm down. "I don't know that sign."
"Pretty," he says, and makes the gesture at his face again. Then he gives me a shy smile, ducking his head against his father's leg.
Aww. My heart melts. I mimic it, smiling through the rattling of my chest. "You're cute too."
"Here," calls another voice, this one deep and rich and surprising. Another figure emerges from the trail winding through the canyon, a short distance away. "Lo-Lo spotted a hopper nest. She has your eyes, brother."
All I can do is stare.
That is Sessah?
It's been three years since I saw him last. After he'd found out that the Icehome visitors to Croatoan were staying for the long brutal season (aka winter), he'd declared that he missed his parents and wanted to return. He's been there ever since, and I suspect it's got a lot to do with Tia. She's the one closest to his age and he's had a crush on her for forever. The last mental image I have of Sessah was a teenage boy, his hair messy around his shoulders, trailing after Tia like a lost lamb.
The guy with the toddler on his shoulders is absolutely not the same one I remember.
He's the same height he was before, his horns a tall sweep above his brow, but he's no longer lanky. He's filled out to the point that he looks like an absolute beast, and I remember that he's big, thick Aehako's youngest brother. That explains the size. Rokan is fit, but he's lean and Sessah is most definitely not. He's all bulging muscles and sheer breadth. He takes the toddler off his shoulders and sets her down, then extends massive arms out for his hug.
And I walk into it, because I hugged everyone else, right?
My eyes go even wider when he bear hugs me, lifting me off the ground. It just emphasizes how damn big he's gotten. Sessah was an adult before, but he is absolutely a man now. Jesus. He sets me down and then gives me the same, bashful grin he always has. His wide-set eyes are brimming with gentle amusement as he gazes down at me. "You shrank."