I kiss the crown of her head, and without looking back, I grab my bags and walk out the door.
As soon as it shuts, I stop in my tracks. What am I doing? Walking away from the love of my life? I turn to walk back in, but something stops me. I have to be able to tell her something. I need to talk to Nash to see what my options are. I can’t give her promises and not be able to keep them. It could take months to train someone new. And I can’t just quit either. If something happened to her brother while he was out on a mission, she would never forgive me. No, I’m doing the right thing. Even though it doesn’t feel like it. I’ll get my life in order, my shit organized, and then we’ll be together.
Jenna
I’m barely holding it together. I sit on the couch in a daze for who knows how long. He left. He left with no talk about the future... nothing. I gave myself—all of me: my heart, body and soul—last night, and he’s gone.
I move through the motions of getting ready, pulling on my yellow Honeybee T-shirt and jeans. I barely remember the ride to the coffee shop, and even though I’ve managed to hold it together, I fall apart as soon as I see Madison.
She puts the others in charge and shoves me into my office, slamming the door behind us. “Who do I need to kill? Paul?”
I wipe at my tears that I can’t seem to stop from falling now. “No, Paul is in jail.”
She pushes me into my office chair and drags another one from the corner to sit down in front of me. Her hands grip my shoulders. “Then who? Did something happen with your brother or uh, Dylan?” I tense when she says his name. “That fucker! What did he do?”
I shake my head and sigh. Where do I even start? “He didn’t necessarily DO anything.”
“Jenna, look at me. What happened? Just the way he looked at you, he thought you hung the moon and stars. I don’t understand.”
I sit back in my chair and start to think about the night before and this morning. Everything was perfect. Or at least I thought so. So what happened?
“I can see your mind going a thousand miles a minute. Talk to me.”
I sigh. “We had s-e-x.”
Madison rolls her eyes, no doubt because I spelled it again. Her forehead creases. “Was it awful?”
I jump up from my seat and start to pace the small, confined office. “No, it wasn’t awful. It was earth-shattering. I mean, the things he did, Madison, it was everything I ever needed.” I turn and face her, holding up three fingers. “Three times. Three times we did it.” My face is red, I know it is, but at this point I don’t care. If I can’t talk about it with Madison, then I can’t talk about it with anyone.
She pulls her feet up in the seat. “So what happened?”
I fall back into my seat. “He left.”
She jumps up this time. “He left. What? While you were sleeping?”
“No, this morning. I came out of the shower, and his bags were packed. He said he had to go and talk to my brother and he might have a mission in a few days. He hugged me and said... he said, ‘Take care of yourself while I’m gone.’” I can’t stop shaking my head in confusion. I just don’t get it. “How could he just leave?”
Silence fills the tiny space until Madison asks, “Well, did you ask him?”
“No, I didn’t ask him. I should have. But I was stunned. We were... intimate right before that. I just don’t get it.”
“I need coffee. Do you want some coffee? Or I can make you a tea.”
I shrug. “Sure, I’ll take a coffee too.”
Madison walks out of the office, leaving me deep in my thoughts. There’s an ache in my heart, and it feels like it’s breaking in two. I’ve never experienced anything like I have in the last twenty-four hours, and I can’t help but wonder, Really, is this it? Is this how it ends? Is he coming back for me? My stomach starts to hurt just thinking about it.
Madison walks back in, holding two steaming cups of coffee. She hip-checks the door to shut it and hands me my mug before taking her seat again. “Okay, so tell me everything you know about Dylan.”
“Uggghhhh. I can’t talk about him. Aren’t you supposed to be trying to get my mind off him instead?”
She blows on the hot liquid. “No, I want to figure this out because it doesn’t make sense. He doesn’t seem like a player.”
I shake my head. “He’s not.”
“Do you think he’s married or something?”
I shake my head again. “No. I know he’s not.”